


Amid a Crowd of Stars (AOS)

by almostasgayasstartrek



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kid Fic, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Slow Build, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 17:25:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 24,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8676247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almostasgayasstartrek/pseuds/almostasgayasstartrek
Summary: When Spock received news that his elder counterpart had passed, he expected that he might have to return to New Vulcan to take up his responsibilities, he never suspected, however, that his new responsibilities would include taking in a young Vulcan, nor what that would entail.Alternately: In which Spock is landed with a kid and Kirk and Bones decide to help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, I'm relatively new to the fandom and this is my first attempt at writing 1) AOS fic and 2) McSpirk, so bear with me. I'd love to hear what you think (including critique of my writing and portrayal of the characters), so please comment!
> 
> Note: I've marked this G for now, but I'll change the rating if it gets steamy or dark. I don't plan for it to get much more than G, but things just happen sometimes, so I thought I'd mention that it's not a surefire G all the way through. XD

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,  
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,  
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look  
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,  
And loved your beauty with love false or true,  
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,  
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,  
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled  
And paced upon the mountains overhead  
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

—William Butler Yeats, “When You Are Old”

 

* * *

 

 

Jim crossed his legs. Then he uncrossed them. Then he crossed them again with the other leg on top. If any of his bridge crew noticed that he was restless—and he was certain they did—they didn’t say anything. Hell, they could probably guess why he was anxious. This morning, instead of Spock entering the bridge at precisely 0600 hours, he had received a message from his first officer asking that he be released from duty that morning as he would be “slightly delayed” by an “urgent transmission from Ambassador Sarek.”

Jim knew immediately that something was amiss, Spock was never that vague, but he had been unable to deny the request, or to demand further explanation without overstepping his bounds as Captain. If it was relevant to the running of the ship, Spock would inform him of the contents, if it wasn’t, well, Jim would have to wheedle it out of him when their shifts were over.

It was nearing the anniversary of Vulcan’s destruction, too. The date always made Jim nervous. He couldn’t help the guilt that settled in his stomach, besides that, he always wondered if this was the year that Spock decided that he had had enough of the _Enterprise,_ enough of Jim and the illogical humans that surrounded him here. He wondered if this year would be the year that he decided to return to his people and start a new life on New Vulcan. Sometimes Jim even wondered if that might be what was best for Spock.

Jim didn’t know much about why Uhura and Spock had called it quits, but he had gathered enough to know that it was because Spock felt that he was not fulfilling his duty to his species. Jim could hazard a guess as to what that meant, and, though he was selfishly pleased that Spock was no longer attached to Uhura, the idea of him taking his leave of the _Enterprise_ gave Jim no pleasure.

The idea that Spock might leave, actually caused anxiety to berate Jim. It wasn’t as though he didn’t know how to command his ship, he had been doing just that for nearly four years now, but the idea of doing it without Spock to temper his sometimes—only sometimes—less than logical plans was unappealing. And more than that, Jim simply didn’t want to lose contact with his friend.

Of course, Jim reminded himself, if Spock actually wanted to leave, he wouldn’t hesitate to do so. Hesitation, after all, was not logical.

Why, then, was Jim so nervous when Spock prioritized a call from Vulcan over his work on the _Enterprise_?

Jim nearly jumped when the doors to the turbolift opened with a swish. Glancing over his shoulder, Jim watched as Spock entered the bridge. He looked pale, almost worried, or as worried as a Vulcan could look. Whatever that call had been about, it couldn’t have been good. Jim caught his eye but Spock gave a minute shake of his head. Later, then.

“Captain, we’re receiving a transmission from Starfleet,” Uhura announced, drawing Jim’s attention from his first officer.

“Thank you, Lieutenant, put it on the main screen,” Jim said, uncrossing his legs and straightening into his captain posture. Even three plus years later, Jim couldn’t help but feel like a kid when faced with the disapproving eyes of Admiral Barnett. Seeing him always gave Jim a throwback to his disciplinary hearing at the Academy and all of the shit that came after it. Unfortunate, considering he was the _Enterprise’s_ primary correspondent within Starfleet.

“Captain Kirk,” Admiral Barnett said as soon as he appeared on the viewscreen. Jim gave him a casual grin.

“Admiral, what can I do for you?”

“We have received an urgent request for aid from the Vulcan colony on Simon 316 II,” Barnett began.

Jim’s heart thundered in his chest, and couldn’t help but glance at Spock who remained diligently by the science station. There was no visible outward reaction and Jim wondered if this was what the transmission from New Vulcan had been about. Barnett detailed the mission and informed him that further details had been sent. Jim glanced at Uhura and she gave a nod, forwarding the documents straight to his PADD.

Apparently, the Vulcan High Council had requested aid from the Federation after an unidentified and unforeseen blight had wiped out almost 80% of the Vulcan colony’s crops. It was an unprecedented loss, the fungus affecting multiple species of plant. The scientists at the VSA had managed to come up with appropriate counter measures, but it was already too late for this year’s crop. Federation aid would provide the the necessary supplies to sustain the colony until their fields were producing again, but it was a harsh blow so soon after things had started to settle down. Jim couldn’t imagine what the Vulcans were going through right now, but just thinking about it made his chest ache.

“Understood, Admiral,” Jim said as Barnett signed off. Jim pinched his forehead. He was beginning to get a headache. The universe, it seemed, was not about to give them a break anytime soon.

“Sulu, plot a course for Simon 316 II,” Jim commanded, forcing himself not to seek out Spock’s eyes again. There would be time for questions later.

“Course set for New Vulcan, Sir,” Sulu said.

“Take us out at warp 4.”

“Aye, Captain.”

“Estimated time of arrival, Mr. Spock?”

“We will reach Simon 316 II in approximately 3 days at warp 4, Captain,” Spock said.

Jim glanced over at him. He still looked pale and avoided eye contact for the rest of their shift. Jim was worried that Spock would dart out the door before he was able to corner him about whatever was bothering him, but it turned out he needn’t have worried. At least not about that.

“Captain,” Spock said as Jim relinquished command to the beta shift, “I request your presence in my quarters at 2200. There is a matter of some . . . seriousness that I must discuss with you.”

“Of course, Mr. Spock,” Jim said, a bit at a loss for words as Spock turned on his heel and left. His stomach churned and he hoped that whatever Spock had to say, it wasn’t as bad as anything Jim’s mind was coming up with.


	2. Chapter 2

Spock could not remember being so preoccupied on the bridge since the days following his mother’s death. Instead of the numbness immediately following her fall, however, Spock was consumed by an electric pulse of something almost like fear. The situation was logical. He tried to take comfort in that, but it was a cold comfort. His hand twitched automatically toward the picture that he kept in his uniform pocket. It was a memento that belonged to his counterpart, but Spock found that the faces in the photograph, so like the faces he saw everyday and yet so unalike, made him regret for a future he may never have.

Upon entering his room, Spock engaged the privacy lock to his room and ritualistically prepared for a meditation session. Now was not the time to let his emotions distract him from what must be done. Meditation, he hoped, would help to clear his mind and help him come up with a way to convince James T. Kirk that he was going to have to find a new first officer.

 

* * *

 

Five minutes before 2200 hours, Spock rose from his meditation, his sensitive hearing picking up the sound of the Captain’s footsteps as he approached. Spock stood and returned his meditation items to their places. He still had no idea how to tell Jim that he would have to leave the _Enterprise_ but he did, at least, feel calmer about the prospect of returning to New Vulcan. He did not bother changing out of his meditation robes, simply opening the door as he heard Jim approach. The captain jumped as the door slid open, which Spock found slightly amusing.

“Captain, you’re early,” Spock said, stepping back from the door to allow him entrance into Spock’s quarters.

“Sorry,” Jim said, scratching the back of his neck. Jim’s obvious concern over what Spock was about to tell him both warmed him and made him dread it even more.

“Captain, please have a seat. Do you desire a beverage?”

“Hmm? No, no thank you,” Jim said, taking a seat at the table where they played the occasional game of tri-D chess. Spock took the seat on the other side of the desk and folded his hands in his lap, considering how to begin.

“What is it that you needed to talk about? Does it have to do with the message you received from your father?” Jim asked, getting straight to the point.

“Yes,” Spock said, letting out a heavy breath. “Ambassador Sarek had news for me from New Vulcan.”

“Is it about the crop failures?” Jim asked, his brows furrowing. Spock shook his head shortly.

“No, or at least, not entirely. It is . . . an obligation related to my counterpart’s passing.”

That seemed to surprise Jim, his eyes widening until Spock could see the whole of his sky-blue irises. “What kind of obligation?”

“The kind that I cannot refuse,” Spock said, swallowing as his throat went dry. Jim’s expression closed off and he leaned forward, folding his hands over the table.

“So you’re leaving,” Jim inferred.

“I will be resigning my commission and requesting termination of my post on the _Enterprise_ ,” Spock admitted, disliking the way his throat tightened at the last. “Know, Jim, that this brings me no pleasure, but I have little choice in the matter.” Jim’s expression turned furious, his jaw clenching and the blood turning his skin that peculiar shade of red that humans had.

“What could possibly be so important that you’re willing to renege on your obligations to _us_? What is so important that you are going to leave your first and best destiny behind?”

Spock stiffened at that accusation. He met the captain’s eyes and said simply, “A child. I must return to New Vulcan to assume custody of my counterpart’s charge.”

That froze Jim completely. Spock could almost see his mind trying to catch up. It was clearly not what he had expected. After a moment, though, Jim’s eyes went abnormally wide.

“What? Old you had a kid?”

“Ambassador Spock had a charge, yes,” Spock said.

“Wait,” Jim said, pinching his forehead between thumb and forefinger. “Wait. Spock, you’re resigning your commission to go be a . . . a what? A father?” Spock’s heart pounded uncomfortably in his side at that assessment.

“That is more or less accurate,” Spock admitted, though his voice sounded strained even to his own ears. Jim still looked surprised, but his expression softened. Spock was not certain whether he should be ashamed or grateful that Jim knew him well enough to pick up on his discomfort.

“Okay, wow,” Jim muttered, scrubbing a hand through his hair. “That is not what I was expecting.”

“I admit that it was not something I had foreseen, either,” Spock said wryly.

Jim chuckled. “Okay, I can see how that is a serious obligation. Is there no one else to take the child? I mean, no offense, but what do you know about kids? Why give it to you?”

“She was my counterpart’s charge, therefore, legally, at least, she is mine,” Spock said. “However, there are mitigating reasons that she cannot be placed with a new family. My father, however, would not give me further details over subspace communication.”

“So you really don’t have much of a choice, here. The kid is yours whether you like it or not.”

“Yes,” Spock said.

“Well, then, why don’t you bring her onto the enterprise? Raise her here?” Jim said. Spock let out a long breath.

“The thought had occurred to me, however, there are several factors that weigh against that. The least of which being that it is unconventional to raise a child on a Federation spaceship.”

“Unconventional, but not unheard of,” Jim cut in.

“There are also the matter of the child being a Vulcan who could best be taught while remaining on New Vulcan with a stable environment. Perhaps most pertinently is the fact that our vessel finds itself in mortal peril, on average, 53% more frequently than any other Federation vessel on record to date.”

“53%? Seriously?” Jim grinned and seemed almost smug about that, though Spock could not think why that might be.

“The only logical choice is to return to New Vulcan myself in order to create a stable environment in which to raise a child,” Spock said. Despite that, though, he was reluctant to do so. His hand twitched toward the photograph in his pocket. It had been his counterpart who had persuaded him to join the _Enterprise_ in the first place, how ironic, then, that it was because of him that Spock would have to leave it.

“It might be the logical choice, Spock,” Jim said, carefully maintaining eye contact, “but I cannot believe that it’s the right one.”

Spock watched him for a long moment before replying. “Even so, it is my choice.”

“Well, I’ve still got three days to convince you otherwise,” Jim said, grinning cheerfully. Spock raised a single eyebrow even as he was glad that Jim cared enough to try to keep him on the ship.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to upload one chapter a day so it was consistent, but it turns out I have no self-restraint, so I'm going to just upload them as they become available. This is my least favorite chapter so far, but so it goes when you don't finish and edit the whole thing before posting it on the internet. Enjoy! XD

Leonard was used to seeing Jim in sickbay for exactly two reasons: 1) to bother Leonard because he was bored, or 2) because he was mortally wounded. The expression on Jim’s face as he entered Leonard’s office had him immediately jumping up and grabbing the nearest tricorder. Jim waved it off, though, and sat himself down on Leonard’s desk, casually brushing aside Leonard’s carefully arranged PADDs. Leonard rolled his eyes and retook his seat behind the desk.

“You look like hell, kid, what’s the matter?” Leonard asked.

“I’ll explain,” Jim said, rubbing a hand over his eyes, “but first I need a glass of that Romulan ale that you don’t have stashed in your cabinet.”

Leonard’s eyebrows rose, but he retrieved the ale and two glasses, anyway. If it was that bad, Leonard was probably going to want one, too.

“Did you get the mission update?” Jim asked. Leonard nodded slowly, handing Jim a tumbler of the blue liquor and leaning back in his chair. Jim downed the glass in a single swallow, then held out his glass, which Leonard refilled.

“I got it. Massive crop failure. Poor devils can’t catch a break, can they? Is that what you’re upset about?”

“No. Well, yes, I’m upset about that, but that’s not all.”

Leonard waited patiently for Jim to continue, taking a sip of the burning liquid. When Jim hesitated, Leonard gave him a thump on the knee to draw his attention back to the present.

“It’s Spock,” Jim began in a practically dejected tone. Leonard sighed, rolling his eyes. Of course it was Spock.

“What’d the green-blooded hobgoblin do this time?”

Jim gave him a look at the derogatory remark, but didn’t comment. “He’s leaving.”

Now that surprised Leonard. He shifted in his seat. “I know he’d been considering it, but I thought he decided to stay after the fiasco with Krall.”

“What? Spock was going to leave? He never said.” Jim blinked at Leonard, momentarily distracted from the topic at hand.

“Shit. I thought he would have told you,” Leonard said. It hadn’t even occurred to him that Spock might have failed to mention it to Jim after everything they had been through. “Damn Vulcan probably thought that it was illogical to bring it up after he changed his mind.”

“Probably,” Jim said, giving Leonard a forced smile. Leonard reached out and ruffled Jim’s hair. When the kid made that face, like he was hurt but didn’t want to bother anyone with it, it gave Leonard indigestion.

“Forget about that,” Leonard said. “What’s got him rearing to leave now?”

Jim made a face as though he didn’t really want to say, but if he didn’t really want to say, he wouldn’t have come to Leonard’s office to pester him after his shift.

“He’s got a kid, Bones,” Jim said. Leonard nearly asphyxiated on his ale.

“Bullshit.”

“No, I’m serious. Well, it’s not his kid, really. Ambassador Spock’s kid.”

Leonard’s eyebrows shot up and Jim gave an almost genuine laugh, shaking his head so that a gold curl fell down over his forehead.

“Not his offspring, but his ‘charge,’” Jim clarified. “I guess that Ambassador Spock was looking after her, and now, for some reason, she’s Spock’s responsibility.”

“Hell, Jim,” Leonard let out along breath. He wasn’t even sure what to say to that. His mind was still caught on the idea of Spock—any Spock—having a kid, let alone _adopting_ one. That implied that he wanted to take care of the kid, which just didn’t quite fit with Leonard’s understanding of Spock.

“I know,” Jim moaned, jumping down off the desk to pace the room. Leonard felt a surge of pity for his friend. Jim was a great captain, but sometimes Leonard wondered if that came at the expense of his development as a person. It was obvious to anyone who knew either Jim or Spock that there was something special between them. It was only a matter of time before the two collided as they were clearly on course to do. Leonard couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of the idea that the two of them were to have such an epic friendship. As always, Leonard was the odd man out.

But he had gotten used to that idea a long time ago.

“I need him, Bones. The ship needs him,” Jim said, halting in his pacing to give Leonard those puppy-dog eyes that alternately made Leonard want to do as he asked and hit him over the head with a PADD.

“I reckon he’s the best first officer in the fleet,” Leonard admitted. “It’d be a shame to lose him to the Vulcans.”

Jim nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, but I can’t just tell him to stay. I hate to say it, but his arguments make sense. How do you raise a baby Vulcan on a starship? Especially this starship. Did you know that our ship is in peril 52% more often than any other vessel in the Federation? Or was it Starfleet? I don’t remember.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Leonard asked, taking a sip from his ale. Jim sat down heavily in the chair across from Leonard’s.

“What do I do?” Jim asked. It wasn’t like Jim never asked for help, but Leonard was distinctly uncomfortable with the idea that Jim, the man who could solve any problem with something he pulled out of his ass, didn’t know where to go from here. Leonard scowled and gave him a shrug.

“Convince him to stay,” Leonard said. Really, if there was no other solution, then they would just have to figure out how to make this one work.

“I can’t, Bones,” Jim said in a tone that was almost a whine. “What about the little Vulcan?”

“As much as I dread the idea of a miniature Spock running around the ship, it’s hardly the first time a kid has been raised aboard such a vessel. For God’s sake, you were born on a ‘Fleet ship.”

“Yeah, but those were extenuating circumstances.”

“You aren’t going to have any trouble convincing Starfleet. It’ll just make them look good that a Vulcan wanted to stay aboard the ship so bad that he decided to raise his kid here.”

“It’s really weird when you put it like that,” Jim said. “Spock’s kid, huh?”

Leonard was still trying not to think about it. He felt like his entire paradigm was shifting when he thought of Spock in such a domestic way. Leonard shook his head, trying to dislodge the thought.

“Spock’s the one that’s not going to be convinced,” Jim admitted. “He thinks it’s best for the kid to be raised on New Vulcan.”

“Then you’ll have to convince him otherwise. Come up with a more logical argument.”

“What do you want me to do, write a pros and cons list? Maybe put together a report?” Jim snapped.

“If you think it’ll help,” Leonard said coolly, refusing to rise to the bait. He stared Jim down over the rim of his glass, until the captain deflated, looking semi-repentant.

“Sorry,” Jim said. “I just don’t want to find a replacement first officer.”

Leonard snorted. “No, I don’t imagine you would. There must be some logical argument against raising the kid on New Vulcan. If I learned anything from my ex-wife and Joanna, it was that there is no such thing as ideal child-rearing circumstances. One place is pretty much as fucked up as the next. Now run along and convince Spock of that, I’m tired of listening to your whining.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late, I have a couple more chapters but I just got them back from editing. I'll post the others tonight, but right now I'm off to work. Enjoy!

“That is illogical.”

Jim was not deterred. “No, no, hear me out. The potential risks of raising a child on an uncolonized planet are nearly as—”

“Captain, Simon 316 II is not uncolonized, and was not even before the Vulcan Reestablishment occurred, therefore—”

“It’s only partially colonized, though,” Jim persisted. Spock almost wanted to sigh, an urge which only the captain and Doctor McCoy could illicit in him. Jim had been trying to convince him that there was some flaw in his logic for the past two days. There were mere minutes left until they docked at the Simon 316 II spaceport and Spock was beginning to feel the pressure of the choice he was making. The captain’s pestering did not help, either.

Though the reasons he gave were flimsy so far, Spock almost hoped that he would come up with a solid argument. Of course, that would not happen. Spock’s logic was flawless. So it only served as a reminder of what he was leaving behind.

Spock focused his energy elsewhere, passively sorting the information Jim was spouting and filing it away in his mind. It was not until the turbolift opened to show Leonard McCoy that Spock began to pay attention again.

“Right, Bones?” Jim said as the doctor stepped onto the turbolift, presumably to follow them to the bridge as he was wont to do when he had the time.

“No clue what you’re talking about, kid,” Doctor McCoy said. Spock tracked the man’s movements as he stepped onto the turbolift, giving Spock what could only be described as a friendly slap on the back as he moved to stand on Jim’s other side.

Spock had a keen eye for observation. It came with being a scientist, but his skills of observation were not always enough to help him untangle the motivations behind certain actions. While Jim had always been an extremely tactile individual and Spock had grown used to his need to constantly touch Spock’s person, Leonard McCoy was only tactile with Jim.

At least, he was until the incident on Altamid during which he and McCoy had shared a certain camaraderie. It was surprising, but not altogether unwelcome. Jim was very fond of McCoy, and Spock found him to be rather stimulating. It was possible, he supposed, that McCoy had decided that their shared respect for one another was grounds upon which to build a friendship. It was the only logical explanation that he could come up with for the doctor’s changed behavior. Spock and McCoy did not always see the world with compatible viewpoints, but Spock had grown, if not fond of, then at least accustomed to his particular brand of exaggeration and hyperbole. Even enough to partake in the occasional battle of wits.

As far as friendship went, Spock supposed he could do worse.

But it was futile to think on that now. He was leaving and nothing either of them said or did could change that. However, he did have one last peace offering to present.

“Captain, it is obvious that you disagree with my decision, however, I would ask of you one last favor. It is in regard to the child I will take custody of there.”

Jim looked at him with troubled eyes, and gave a short nod.

“Then would you beam down to the planet’s surface with me? There is a brief ceremony.”

“Is it permitted?” Jim asked once he had stopped gaping.

“It is my right. By tradition, the head of house is accompanied by his closest friends or . . . family.”

“Thank you, Mr. Spock,” Jim said, his voice low.

“I also request McCoy accompany me,” Spock added. Watching McCoy’s shock out of the corner of his eye.

“I shall be honored, Sir.”

Spock nodded as the turbolift opened to the transporter room. It would be a relief to have Jim and McCoy there. With the two of them at his side, he felt that he was adequately equipped to deal with whatever may come.

* * *

 

“So is someone going to meet us or . . . ?” McCoy started, glancing around at the transportation terminal.

“That would be illogical,” Spock said. “As I have been to Simon 316 II on a previous occasion, I am perfectly capable of delivering us to my father’s residence.”

“What happened to good old fashioned human curtesy?” McCoy grumbled.

“You are on New Vulcan, Doctor. Perhaps you have noticed that it is primarily inhabited by Vulcans, therefore ‘human curtesy’ would be out of context.”

“Great, and you want to live here?”

Spock recognized that question as rhetorical, and did not dignify it with a response.

“Well are we meeting someone? I have a lot of questions about this whole thing,” McCoy continued. Spock looked over at Jim who had been unusually silent since they had beamed down to the planet.

“If you have questions,” Spock said, answering McCoy, but continuing to look at Jim, “then you may ask and I will answer what I am able.”

“All right,” McCoy said immediately. “First off, what on earth led to Ambassador Spock taking on something like a child?”

“During the evacuation of Vulcan, the children were the first to be seated on escape vehicles. This caused an imbalance in the ratio between children and adults. Those with living relatives were reunited with their families. But there were still a great number who had lost all close relatives.

“Those past the age of majority and in a position to do so, were asked to take in these orphaned young-ones.”

“So she’s a war orphan?” Jim asked, something tight in his voice. Spock spared a glance at him.

“No, her parents survived Vulcan. The child was born after the destruction of Vulcan.”

“Then what do the orphans have to do with it?” McCoy asked impatiently.

“After her parents passed away, most suitable families were at their capacity to care for the orphaned children. I believe, though I do not know why, that my counterpart volunteered to take in the child when another home could not be found for her.”

“So every adult Vulcan had to take in the young’uns?” McCoy’s voice was rougher than usual. Spock made a mental note of it. Perhaps it was a reaction based on being the father of a young child. Fascinating.

“That is correct.”

“Wait a second,” McCoy broke in, “then why weren’t you asked to take one of these kids? Wouldn’t you have been a more logical choice than your counterpart considering how old he was, not to mention the fact that he was from a different timeline?”

Spock suppressed the discomfort churning in the general vicinity of his stomach, feeling that the air was much warm against his face all of the sudden. “I was not asked because of certain circumstances.”

“What circumstances?” Jim asked.

Spock made the mistake of glancing at those eyes and found himself speaking without conscious thought. “I am not . . . _technically_ , of age.”

McCoy’s eyes went wide and Jim did a double-take.

“Are you blushing?” McCoy asked, his mouth turning down in a deep frown. Spock quickened his pace.

“What do you mean? You’re older than I am!” Jim said in a strangled voice. Spock looked straight ahead as he led them toward his father’s place of residence.

“Yes. By human standards, I am of legal age, however the age of majority on Vulcan is complicated. I do not fulfill all of the requirements, likely due to my half-human status. That is all I have to say on the matter.”

“Fine, fine,” McCoy relented, “I have more questions.”

Before he could speak, however, Jim cut him off. “Why now? I mean, why are you getting custody of her now?”

“I do not know the specifics. I, too, have unanswered questions. My father may be able to enlighten us. We have arrived.”


	5. Chapter 5

Ambassador Sarek’s ‘place of residence’ was a fucking mansion. Jim had never seen a house quite as large or imposing as this one. Jim idly wondered how many people lived here. It must employ a small town to keep it clean and functioning. Creating jobs was only logical, of course. Other than that, Jim could see little logic in a house that size.

“Wow, Spock, does the whole city live here?” Bones grumbled. Spock merely raised an eyebrow.

“My father will be waiting for us.”

With that, he led them through the front doors. Jim found himself craning his neck to see the ceiling. For a logical people, they were certainly big on the aesthetic of things. It was surprisingly cool inside, despite the heat of New Vulcan. The giant archways seemed to permit airflow through the house. The atmosphere on this planet was about comparable to that of Vulcan, but the temperatures were less extreme. Jim wondered if it felt cold here to Spock. He remembered the oppressive heat on Vulcan and this was only just bordering on too warm for human comfort. It must have been quite an adjustment for the settlers.

Sarek stood in the entrance way as the three of them approached. He inclined his head and raised the Vulcan salute in greeting. Spock returned the gesture, then stood at parade rest before him.

“You have brought your . . . friends, I see.” He didn’t seem surprised. Well, he didn’t seem much of anything, to be honest, but his eyes lingered on Jim for a moment. Jim couldn’t help but wonder if he was remembering the first time they met when Jim had insulted both his son and wife.

“Yes,” was Spock’s only reply. “If you care to elaborate on the situation, I would not be averse to it.”

“Of course.” Sarek motioned them further into the house. “Please, be seated.”

There was a silence as the four of them settled into their places. Spock sat directly in front of his father while Jim and Bones sat on a love-seat to the side. Jim glanced at Bones, wondering if he was feeling as out of his depth as Jim was. He was not used to being an observer in these situations, usually, if there was drama, Jim was at the epicenter.

“What information do you require?” Sarek asked.

“Why have I been chosen to take care of Ambassador Spock’s charge?”

“You were chosen for several reasons. The primary one being that the child is mentally unstable.”

“Mentally unstable? What do you mean by that?” Bones demanded, his brows furrowing in a worried scowl. Sarek addressed his son as he continued.

“She lost the parental link between herself and both of her parents not two years ago and, more recently, has lost the bond between your elder counterpart and herself. The young mind is resilient, but it has its limits. She is causing telepathic backlash for those around her. Though the elder Vulcans are equipped to deal with this, many of the children around her are being negatively impacted by her volatility.”

“So what have you done, locked her away from everyone?” Bones snapped. Jim put a hand on his forearm, hoping to get more answers before they were booted from the house.

“She is currently being held at a hospital.”

Bones muttered something about inhumane treatment of children, but if Sarek or Spock heard him, they had the decency to remain silent.

“Ambassador,” Jim started, “what do you hope that Spock can achieve with this girl?”

“It is the belief of the council that Spock, though a different entity, may have enough mentally in common with Ambassador Spock to recreate the link that she lost with her former caretaker.”

“Are there no more stable options for her? I am, after all, an officer in Starfleet,” Spock noted. Jim’s stomach fluttered a little at the words. So he did have doubts. Maybe Jim could convince him to stay after all.

“There are no more suitable options than yourself,” Sarek said. “I believe that you will find that raising a child can be as rewarding as a career.”

Jim glanced at Spock, but he did not seem to take it as the compliment that Jim thought it was meant as. Instead, his expression merely shuttered and he gave a brief nod.

“Have you decided whether you will return to New Vulcan?”

“I am still considering.”

Jim practically beamed at Spock, earning him a strange look from both the Vulcans in the room. He didn’t care, though, as long as he still had a chance to convince Spock to return to the _Enterprise_ with him.

“If there is nothing else, I would like to have a private word with my son.”

“What do you suppose that’s about?” Bones muttered as Sarek and Spock exited the room. Jim shrugged, craning his neck to see if he could see where they went.

“No idea, probably secret Vulcan business,” Jim said. He was dying to know what they were talking about, but at the same time, he was trying to be on his best behavior. Bones gave him the side eye, clearly suspicious. Jim just grinned.

“Any luck convincing him to stay?”

“Not yet,” Jim said cheerfully, “but there’s still time.”

Bones just scoffed, but Spock’s hesitation had filled Jim with renewed hope.


	6. Chapter 6

Leonard watched Jim’s determination with something bordering on amusement. He didn't exactly doubt that Spock could be convinced, but he certainly recognized what they had to lose if Jim couldn’t knock some sense into his first officer. He would never admit it out loud, but Leonard would miss Spock’s company if he ever left.

Not only that, but he was a useful officer. He and Jim were an incredible team, they fit together like cogs. Leonard didn’t look forward to Jim having to figure out how to work with a new first officer, so if there was any way to avoid that, Leonard figured it would be worth the effort.

A moment later, Spock and Ambassador Sarek entered the room again. It might have been Leonard’s imagination but he thought that Spock looked a shade paler and certainly a little more withdrawn than he had when he left.

“If you have no further questions, I will escort you to the courthouse where you may begin the custody process,” Sarek’s tone was as steady as ever.

Leonard was about to protest. They hadn’t even seen the kid yet. Spock couldn’t be expected to adopt a child without even meeting her first.

“I have one final request,” Spock broke in. “I would like to see the child first. I wish to explain the situation to her in person.”

“She has already received all pertinent information.”

“Nevertheless, I wish to speak with her. It may allow for some insight into any bond I may be able to create with her.”

“Logical,” Sarek conceded. “I will take you to the facility in which she is being held.”

Spock nodded. Leonard glanced at Jim before the two of them followed the Vulcans out the door. Spock didn’t slow his pace or acknowledge that they were following, though if there was any time for him to have an excuse to be rude, it was now. Leonard had seen first hand that Vulcans felt emotion, and he figured that Spock couldn’t be as calm and composed as he appeared to be.

The hot air outside made Leonard grimace. He didn’t much care for New Vulcan. It was hot and stifling in a way that not even a Georgia summer could compare to. He liked the hospital they were taken to even less. It was very unlike a human hospital, obviously alien. Instead of the noise and urgency that Leonard had become used to in his own medbay and the hospital he worked in before it, the Vulcan hospital was marked by a pervasive silence. In Leonard’s opinion, silence and solitude were rarely conductive to healing. Perhaps, though, Vulcans were different. They were creatures of logic. They had not always been, though, which made Leonard wonder how many of their practices were unhealthy to say the least.

As Ambassador Sarek led them to the room where they would meet the child, Leonard glanced over at Jim just to see if he was the only one feeling spooked by the hospital. To his relief, Jim was eyeing the place like he was walking into an ambush rather than a hospital. Well, actually, that was how Jim looked at most hospitals. But this one was definitely the strangest one Leonard had ever been in.

“She is in here.”

“Someone mind telling me the kid’s name?” Leonard snapped after a moment. Sarek and Spock seemed to be avoiding using the kid’s name, as though that made the situation less real. Spock actually turned to look at him, then.

“Saavik,” Spock said softly. “Her name is Saavik, Doctor.”

“Saavik, huh?” Leonard said with a frown. “How do you Vulcans tell each other apart, all your names sound the same.”

Jim nudged him, but Spock just raised an eyebrow and replied, “Doctor, forgive me, but at least Vulcans don’t have duplicate names. I have met several ‘Leonards’ during my stay on Earth. Therefore, is it not humans who have names that ‘all sound the same’?”

Leonard snorted. He wondered if Spock found their banter as comfortingly familiar as Leonard himself found it. He had been surprised, though grudgingly pleased, when Spock had asked him to accompany himself and Jim to the planet. Perhaps this was a testament to the fact that they might be, dare he say, friends.

“You will feel her mental turmoil once we are past the doors. Her telepathy is quite proficient,” Sarek said to his son. Leonard felt an odd twinge of worry. He might have asked Spock if he was going to be okay if he didn’t know that would be taken as an insult.

Spock nodded, exchanging a glance with Jim who was still oddly quiet, almost withdrawn. Not that it was pleasant to be emotional around Vulcans. One got the feeling of being judged unworthy when one expressed oneself with too much gusto in front of Vulcans.

Sarek opened the doors and they stepped inside. Leonard took a moment to examine the room. It was like some sort of minimalist 20th century contemporary mixed with something cavernous, almost cave-like. Leonard found it just as unsettling as the rest of the planet. Even after so many years exploring uncharted space and coming into contact with more alien species that he could count, Leonard still felt a little out of his element whenever he was confronted with the in-human.

Leonard stopped short as he caught sight of the bed. It was a fairly typical looking hospital bed with biomonitors hooked up to monitor the occupant. Sitting on top of it, though, was a tiny little girl. She couldn’t have been more than three or four with dark curls that fell over her shoulders as she sat very stiffly in front of a PADD.

“Saavik,” Sarek spoke, “I have brought my son so that you might become acquainted with him.”

The girl looked up, and Leonard’s heart clenched at the ice in her grey eyes. She put the PADD down, tapping it off with delicate fingers. Spock raised his hand in a salute and the girl mimicked it without hesitation.

He didn’t know what he had been expecting to find, but it wasn’t this. As far as Leonard could see, she was perfectly calm. That, on its own was unsettling, but Leonard knew that she was hurting, and the fact that she had to hide it. . . . Leonard felt a wave of protectiveness wash through him.

“Saavik,” Spock spoke, walking slowly toward the bed, almost as though he was afraid of the child. Leonard didn’t know whether to laugh or cringe. “I am Commander Spock of the USS _Enterprise_. I believe you were familiar with my elder counterpart.”

The girl glanced down at the PADD but not before Leonard caught a glimpse of hurt in her eyes.

“You’ve got wonderful bedside manner, Spock, you should have been a doctor,” Leonard said.

Spock glanced at him in a way that would have been irritable if he were a human. “Considering your own bedside manner, Doctor, I believe I would be in good company.”

“These are my companions, Captain James T. Kirk and—”

“Hello, darlin’,” Leonard cut him off, smiling at her as he approached the bed. “I’m Doctor Leonard McCoy, CMO aboard the _Enterprise_.”

“Are you going to take me to the _Enterprise_?” Saavik asked.

“Well, now,” Leonard said, allowing himself a small smile, “let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Will you let me use my tricorder on you? Just to make sure that you’re healthy?”

“For what purpose? I have been checked by doctors here,” she said, staring at him suspiciously.

“To satisfy my own curiosity. It’s not that I doubt that you’ve been looked over, but as a scientist, I like to see things with my own eyes,” he said with complete earnestness. Saavik tilted her head to the side, her hair slipping to reveal the point of one of her little ears.

“All right,” she conceded.

“Thank you, my dear,” he said, taking the tricorder out of his bag. No one spoke as he began fiddling with the dial. It took a couple minutes for him to finish and when he did, he frowned.

Leonard checked his tricorder readings. He glanced at the girl, then checked the readings again. Well . . . as Spock would say, _fascinating_.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! Actually, three. Sorry to keep you guys waiting but things have been crazy at work so I had to deal with that stuff first. I'll try to get some more written while I'm off work for the holidays.
> 
> Thank you all for your wonderful comments! I love seeing what you guys think is going to happen and your reactions to the characters.
> 
> Enjoy!

Her emotions were like a tempest. There was no other way to describe it. Merely being in the same room, Spock could feel the roiling emotion under her facade. The strength of it was frightening. Spock wondered if this was what it was like for all children or if she was unique. His own susceptibility to the waves of emotion was also in question, though, according to his father, full-blooded Vulcans had been experiencing her psychic resonance as well.

“She appears to be healthy,” McCoy said, though there was an edge to his voice that made Spock turn to look at him.

“But something’s wrong,” Jim prompted, clearly picking up on the same note in McCoy’s voice that Spock did.

“Nothing’s wrong, really,” he said, though his voice was still in a key that denoted surprise, “but, by God, Jim, this girl is at least partially Romulan.”

Spock stiffened as Jim gave a low whistle. He had not expected that McCoy would pick up on that. The physiological differences between Vulcans and Romulans were minor and for someone who complained as much as McCoy did about knowing nothing of Vulcan biology, it had not occurred to Spock that he would know what to look for, let alone see it without being prompted. Of course, Spock was familiar by now with the particular brand of medical genius. Perhaps, then, it was an oversight of Spock’s not to realize that the doctor was perfectly capable of recognizing a Romulanoid being, even from a Vulcanoid.

“Well, that’s a bit of a surprise,” Jim intoned, stepping closer to the girl as though she were an interesting lab specimen.

“You are James T. Kirk,” Saavik said, tilting her head in an overtly emotional way, “the captain of the USS _Enterprise_ and the youngest captain in the Federation.”

Jim looked surprised, eyebrows rising and mouth opening ever so slightly. He swallowed, then and nodded. “Yes, that’s correct.” Spock could practically feel the tension radiating off of Jim as he and Saavik exchanged unblinking stares.

“You are not unaccomplished, for a human,” Saavik said. Spock raised a brow, but it seemed to break the tension. Jim grinned, relaxing marginally and all at once, Spock was overrun with the concept that perhaps, things would be all right. Only, he had to crush that thought immediately. He was staying on New Vulcan, after all. No matter how well McCoy seemed to do with the child, or how Jim reacted, it was irrelevant. They would not be a part of the child’s life anymore than they would be a part of Spock’s from now on.

It was a strange thought, to be certain, but he supposed that anyone would grow that close to their companions having been through so much together. He had been in these men’s company for nearly five years now and it would be a drastic change to stop seeing them now. Ambassador Spock had said that the five year mission was the greatest time of his life, the most meaningful. Spock had no trouble believing it. He regretted, in his human heart, that he would not be able to fulfill that small destiny.

“That’s not the first time I’ve heard that,” Jim said, with a chuckle. “I suppose it’s hard for any man to live up to Vulcan standards. You learn to live with the comparison when you’re in the company of my first officer. Though I’d swear that sometimes Spock’s almost human.”

Jim looked at him in that way that clearly stated he was teasing. Spock raised an eyebrow and said, “There is no need for insults, Captain.”

Saavik watched the exchange with keen eyes.

“Well, now, you appear to be a perfectly healthy little lady,” McCoy said, offering the girl a smile. Spock was almost taken aback by the expression. The doctor usually preferred to scowl given the choice, and Spock found this to be particularly true in his own company. It was startling to see the man looking so approachable. Spock almost wondered if perhaps this was a side to Leonard McCoy that he had not seen before. It was nearly enough to make him regret his decision to leave the _Enterprise_.

“What do you think about getting out of here?” McCoy asked, offering the girl his hand. She looked almost as shocked as Spock felt at not only the gesture, but the words.

“Doctor McCoy,” Sarek began, only to be cut off by the doctor in a very human manner.

“This little girl needs some fresh air and not to be cooped up in this place.”

“That may be true,” Sarek began, “but the circumstances make it unwise to take her into public.”

Spock bristled at the idea that she should be sequestered away for the foreseeable future. Stepping closer to the doctor, Spock eyed his father.

“It is, however, fallacious to assume that she will be here forever,” Spock put in, “is it not better to begin assimilating her into the world now than later?”

“She is your charge, you must do as you believe is logical,” Sarek said in a tone that Spock suspected meant that he did not agree with Spock’s reasoning. Spock straightened infinitesimally and gave a short nod to the doctor.

The girl watched them closely, her brows furrowing deeper with each word. Spock felt oddly uncomfortable under her stare. He remembered, after all, how it felt to be discussed while you were in the room. It gave the impression that those around you thought of you as less than intelligent. Less than sentient.

“Now, darlin’ do you want to join an old country doctor for a stroll?” McCoy offered his hand to the girl and, to Spock’s surprise, she took it. McCoy smiled as the girl hopped down off the bed.

Standing, she looked even smaller than she had on the bed. Spock supposed she was only twelve vulcan years—approximately four terran years—of age. She was slight, with dark curls that grew untamed and uncut, an unusual style for a Vulcan, though perhaps not for a Romulan.

“I will show you the points of interest on New Vulcan,” she said in slightly accented standard. Uhura, no doubt, would know immediately that the child was of Romulan origin.

Sarek bid them farewell and it was left to Spock to ensure that the child was properly escorted across New Vulcan with her two human companions. As far as Spock could tell, she began to relax as they continued through the city. She showed Jim and McCoy several points of interest, though Spock was slightly disturbed to note that she failed to release the doctor’s hand the entire time they walked.

Saavik pointed to the new accommodations of the Vulcan Science Academy. The building was far less imposing than that of Vulcan, having none of the elaborate structure of pre-Surakian architecture. Instead, the building was eminently practical. The structure was built to maintain the most efficient use of energy and space. Spock felt a little pang of regret at the reminder of all they had lost at the hands of Nero.

When he returned his attention to the girl, he was surprised to find her watching him even as McCoy commented on the view and the weather and the general “Vulcanness” of the planet.

Spock quickly shifted his focus from memories that brought up emotions which the child might sense. There was no need to expose her to any more negative psychic contact than necessary. Spock was half human and therefore more limited in his telepathy than full-blooded Vulcans and Romulans, but Saavik was fully telepathic. Even through his touch telepathy and minor spatial telepathy, he had not missed the judgments of his peers. For the child, it must be even more obvious. He would have to be careful to strengthen his mental shields.

She seemed oddly unfazed by contact with McCoy, though. An interesting development.

“Where to next, Saavik?” McCoy said. Over the years he had grown accustomed to the way that humans mispronounced his name, and perhaps it was the tone he used, but hearing McCoy say the girl’s name in that way was the first time he thought that the accent was almost . . . appealing.

“I will escort you to my previous place of residence,” she said. Her tone was perfectly even, but something in the way she held herself belied the importance of this next stop. Spock wondered briefly if it was wise to allow her access to Ambassador Spock’s house.

“Hmm,” Jim said, and Spock realized with some small surprise that he, too must have realized the implications of the destination. “Maybe we can visit the Enterprise. There are a number of things that you might find interesting aboard the ship.”

“I will be glad to accompany you, after we visit my previous accommodations,” she said.

“Then lead the way,” McCoy said. Spock wondered if the doctor was aware of the possible psychological distress that such stimuli could result in. He should be, after all, one of McCoy’s specialties was psychology, but sometimes the good doctor’s methods were unconventional.

* * *

 

They walked in companionable silence until they reached the house. It was simple and comfortable and startlingly human in design. Spock would not say that he saw himself in it, but he could picture his elder counterpart living in this space.

“Cozy,” Jim said, glancing down at Saavik. “Is this where you lived?”

“Yes, it is. Ambassador Spock and I resided here.”

“Thank you for sharing the memory with us,” McCoy said. “I know it must be difficult for you.”

Saavik looked at him for a long moment before shaking her head.

“He carried a picture of you,” she said, as if that were an explanation.

“Is that right?” McCoy was visibly surprised as he glanced over at Spock.

“You don’t believe me.” Her tone was nearly accusatory.

“It’s not that,” McCoy said in a strangled tone, “just that I can’t imagine Spock ever enjoying my company enough to want to be reminded of it when I’m not present.” That comment stung Spock, though he could not say why.

“You do not believe he likes you,” she said solemnly, those piercing eyes snapping onto Spock’s face.

“Regardless of my feelings toward you, Doctor, she speaks the truth. In fact, his few sentimental items came into my possession after his death. He did, indeed, have a photograph of the crew from his own five year mission.”

McCoy looked amused and Jim got that devilish grin that Spock was beginning to associate very strongly with his own foreboding.

“Well, Spock, I never knew you could be so sentimental,” Jim teased, clapping a hand over Spock’s shoulder.

“It is not I who is sentimental.”

“Not yet, at least,” McCoy said, chuckling.

Before Spock could think of an appropriate response, he sensed a subtle shift in Saavik’s emotional wellbeing. McCoy seemed to notice something, too, because crouched down beside her. Spock noticed that her attention was focused on a point toward the edge of the gardens. Jim was already staring off in that direction, his posture subtly blocking Saavik and McCoy from the two nearing Vulcans.

Spock felt his own dread build at the approach.


	8. Chapter 8

Jim wasn’t sure what exactly was happening, there were too many subtleties when it came to Vulcans, but he was instantly aware of the tension that enveloped the garden.

“Spock,” one of them said, approaching them uninvited.

“Strom,” Spock nodded, affecting an air of utter calm. He nodded to the other one, “Sok.”

“I see that you have found friends among your kindred,” Strom said. Jim grimaced.

“Do you refer to my association with the humans aboard the Enterprise or my association with the Vulcan child, Saavik?”

“I refer to the humans. The child, also, is only half-Vulcan. I wonder if your counterpart found that her Romulan half made it easier to relate to her. They, too, are an emotional species.”

“In all the species we’ve met on our voyage, I’ve yet to find one that isn’t emotional,” Jim observed, smirking at the affronted brow raise from the Vulcan standing closest to them.

“There is no need for insults,” Spock said.

“I don’t mean it as an insult, merely a scientific observation. For instance, here we can observe pettiness in these gentlemen’s behavior. Isn’t pettiness driven by emotion, Mr. Spock?”

“I believe it is, Captain, frequently motivated by anger, taking pleasure in the misfortune of others, and sometimes one’s own sense of inadequacy.”

Jim nearly smirked at the flicker of anger that passed over the Vulcan’s face. Adrenaline coursed through him and he almost wished that the Vulcan would throw a punch. It might be interesting to see how he measured up to a Vulcan when he could actually fight back. Unfortunately—fortunately, he could hear Bones’ voice correcting him in his head—the Vulcans didn’t seem all that inclined to get into a physical confrontation.

A battle of wills would have to be enough to satisfy, then.

“I have no words for the Romulan child,” Strom continued. “It is unfortunate to see such treachery to our species after the devastating events of Vulcan.”

“Is this perceived treachery that a Vulcan deemed it appropriate to mate with a non-Vulcan, or do you take particular chagrin with the fact that one sought out a Romulan?”

“Vulcans do not become ‘chagrined,’ Spock,” Sok said, “you are becoming too accustomed to humanity.”

“Dishonesty with oneself is illogical,” Spock said. “It is also a lie.”

“If you boys are done, we should get back to the Enterprise,” Bones cut in. Jim spared a glance over at him. He was standing with the girl tucked against his shoulder, her face nestled against Bones’ neck. Jim’s brow furrowed at the way her shoulders trembled. Wrapped up in Bones’ arms, she looked very, very small.

“Yes, that is where non-Vulcans belong,” Strom positively spat.

“Oh, for hell’s sake,” Bones said, “I don’t have time for your schoolyard politics, I’m a doctor not a teacher. I have a medbay to run.”

“Of course, Bones,” Jim said, grinning over at him. He was giving the two Vulcans a very disapproving look. “Three to beam up.”

* * *

 

Once they were safely aboard the Enterprise, Jim turned to Bones. “Is she all right?”

“What the hell was that about?” Bones said by way of an answer, one hand cradling the back of Saavik’s head. The girl didn’t move from where she was pressed into his neck. “What kind of grown man goes around belittling a child? Did the destruction of your planet make you all go mad?”

Jim winced at that, glancing guiltily over at Spock. His first officer, however, didn’t seem to take note of the insult. He looked distant in a way that Jim was not used to seeing.

“Unfortunately, Doctor, I found that the experience was much the same as when I was a child,” Spock said. “Though many are not as outspoken as Strom and Sok, the sentiment is much the same.”

“Great, so you want to raise a half-Romulan child with among a bunch of xenophobes? I don’t have to be a telepath to see that that’s a bad idea.”

Spock opened his mouth, then shut it again.

“Do not leave me there,” said a little voice. Jim nearly jumped at the sound. She had been quiet for so long that he had assumed she had fallen asleep in Bones’ arms.

“There, there, darlin’, we’re not leaving you anywhere,” he said.

“That is inaccurate,” she said, “as you are not my guardian. You have no say.”

Bones’ frown deepened and he glared over at Spock. Jim felt a twist in his gut at the discord. He didn’t like his two best friends fighting, especially when Spock, himself, looked almost as shaken as Saavik.

“I need to meditate,” Spock said tightly.

“Of course,” Jim said before Bones could push the issue. Sometimes the doctor could be a little single-minded, especially when it came to the wellbeing of someone he felt responsible for. “We’ll show Saavik around the ship.”

“I will return before 2200 hours and then we shall return to the planet for the ceremony.”

With that, Spock walked briskly toward his quarters.

“Vulcans,” Bones muttered, shaking his head. Jim rolled his eyes. For all his accusations of Vulcans being xenophobic, Jim sometimes wondered if he realized how half the things he said could be perceived. At least, he figured, with the touch-telepath snuggled up against him, there was no way she could misinterpret Bones’ frustration for hatred. Really, few people were quite as soft hearted as the doctor.

“Saavik,” Jim said, grinning as the girl pulled away from Bones enough to look at him, “what would you like to see first: engineering, the science labs, medbay—where Bones lives—or the bridge?”

There was a visible excitement in her eyes as she said, “The bridge.”

“Excellent choice,” Jim said. “The best choice, in fact.”

“Hey, now,” Bones said. Jim just laughed as Bones set Saavik on her feet, though he offered her his hand immediately after. Jim hoped that the distraction would be enough to make her feel better about everything. He knew first hand how much impact unkind words had on a young mind.


	9. Chapter 9

Leonard smiled down at Saavik. After so many years in space, he had nearly forgotten how much he enjoyed children. To a child, each new experience was riveting, no matter how dull it was to the adult eye. And seeing Saavik made Leonard miss his own little girl back on Earth. He spoke with Joanna often enough, but a part of him would always feel guilty for not being there for her. But, then, that was the nature of a ‘fleet career and a nasty divorce.

Leonard would just take pleasure in what opportunities arose from his choices. Such as inquisitive half-Vulcan, half-Romulan children currently interrogating the captain on the running of a federation starship as Jim told her of some of their missions.

“That was a breach of the prime directive,” Saavik said, narrowing her eyes at Jim.

“That’s what the Admiralty thought, too,” Jim admitted. “But some things are more important than the prime directive.”

“I don’t think Spock will be pleased with you corrupting his charge with your unconventional interpretation of Starfleet directives,” Leonard said with a chuckle.

“You need not worry, Doctor McCoy,” Saavik said, “I am not convinced of the captain’s reasoning.”

“Well, when you’re a Starfleet captain, maybe you’ll make a different call,” Jim relented with a shrug. Saavik cocked her head to the side, a long strand of hair falling into her eyes.

“Why do you say that? I have not voiced any interest in being a Starfleet officer.”

“You might not have voiced it,” Jim said, “but call it a hunch. Besides, I’ll bet you can be the second person to beat the Kobuyashi Maru.”

“First, if you disqualify Jim for cheating,” Leonard broke in.

“The captain cheated?” Saavik asked from where she was perched on Jim’s knee in the captain’s chair.

“It was hardly cheating,” Jim scoffed.

“One cannot ‘hardly’ cheat,” Saavik said. “One either cheats or does not cheat.”

“If you say so,” Jim said. “But I’ll remind you that I’m the youngest captain that Starfleet has ever commissioned.”

“So you mean that the best way to achieve one’s aspirations is to cheat?”

Leonard laughed. “What do you say we find a topic that is less likely to put illogical ideas in your head?”

Saavik frowned a little but Leonard just smoothed her hair down with a hand and gestured to the door. “Are you hungry? It’s about dinner time.”

“What is the time difference between the Enterprise and New Vulcan?” she asked.

Jim answered her promptly and the two struck up a dialogue about Federation Standard Time. Leonard couldn’t help but think that he was seeing kindred spirits in those two. A child that was too old for her years, and a man who had maintained his childish wonder even into adulthood.

* * *

 

The mess hall was as busy as usual. With the different shifts required to make a ship run 24/7 and a crew with various metabolic requirements, the mess hall was almost always crowded with people from one shift or another. Leonard hesitated for a moment, wondering if perhaps a quiet meal in their rooms would be more acceptable to Saavik, but the girl didn’t seem all that bothered as Jim led her to the serving station.

“We could have gone to my quarters,” Jim said, “but it’s nice to have real food, sometimes.”

“Replicators do produce real food,” Saavik said, frowning. “Molecularly, the food is identical to that which you receive from preparing the food manually.”

“It’s not the same, trust me,” Jim said, making a face. Saavik frowned. Leonard didn’t think that he would ever get used to seeing such a wide range of emotion on a Vulcanoid face.

“You could say that it’s more psychological than physical,” Leonard said, steering the little girl through a crowd of surprised (and amused) crew members. “The idea that the food has been prepared with care and intent makes it taste better.”

“No, it does not,” Saavik said. “That is illogical.”

“You say that, but you haven’t lived for years on replicated food,” Jim said, making a face.

“Yes, I have. Ambassador Spock could not cook.”

Leonard laughed, filing away that information for later needling of Spock. Not that there was any logic in pride, but few beings were as proud as Vulcans, and most especially Commander Spock. Saavik chose a perfectly balanced meal--in contrast to Jim’s plate of a burger and fries--though Leonard noticed as they sat down that she carefully avoided the brussels sprouts.

“Speak of the devil,” Jim said, grinning and waving Spock over to where they were sitting.

“We will depart in 34 minutes to New Vulcan,” he said, taking a seat next to Leonard as Saavik was currently occupying his customary position next to Jim.

Leonard couldn’t help but notice that Spock seemed to be avoiding eye contact with Saavik, and had barely spoken a word to her since they had met. Talk about awkward family dinners. He supposed that this was probably pretty strange for the Vulcan, but trying to avoid the situation wasn’t really a great way to start out. Especially when there was so much at stake.

“Saavik, why don’t you tell Spock what we did while he was meditating,” Leonard suggested. Spock shot him an ungrateful look but Leonard merely smiled.

Saavik studied Spock’s expression for a moment, suddenly more shut off than she had been with Leonard and Jim. Leonard couldn't help but frown at that. Was she, perhaps, afraid of Spock? He couldn’t be all that different from her previous guardian, though, could he?

“There is no need for that, Doctor,” Saavik said with a sigh. “Commander Spock is already aware of the Enterprise’s attributes.”

“Well, maybe he’d be interested in what you learned about the Enterprise,” Leonard insisted, studying the reactions of the Vulcans.

“I am finished with my meal, if you would excuse me, I would like to look around the ship a little more before we return to New Vulcan,” she said, her face completely blank.

“Sure thing, kid,” Jim said, excusing himself to accompany her.

“Doctor, I would thank you not to interfere with my interactions with Saavik,” Spock said as soon as they were out of earshot. Leonard raised a brow.

“As far as I could tell, there wasn’t much in the way of interaction going on there, Spock.”

“It is an . . . adjustment. For both of us.”

“Not sure how to act around kids, huh?” Leonard said, taking a degree of pleasure in Spock’s discomfort. Spock raised an eloquent brow.

“I am not adept at dealing with children.”

“You’re a Vulcan, use that eidetic memory of yours to remember what it was like to be a child. That’s a start.”

“Doctor, I was not good with children even as a child.”

The way Spock said it, avoiding his eyes, made Leonard’s gut twist uncomfortably. Leonard cleared his throat, before turning to face the first officer.

“It’s not hard, Spock,” Leonard said, taking pity on him. “You’ll figure it out. Just give it time.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays! Have another chapter :D

Despite the doctor’s assurances and his own meditation, Spock was out of his depth when it came to the child. For this reason, he was beginning to wonder if his decision to raise the child on Vulcan was the right one. McCoy’s words on the subject kept coming to the surface of his mind, as well. Was it in the child’s, and his own, best interest to raise her on New Vulcan?

His elder counterpart had decided to remain on Vulcan, but what were his reasons for doing so? The question had plagued him since he had learned of Saavik. He must have had sound reasons for keeping her close to other Vulcans, otherwise it would not have been logical to stay. But did Spock’s own situation influence those reasons?

Dare he hope that the only reason Ambassador Spock had remained was that he had no other choice? No other home?

The thought filled him with a sense of regret, even as he allowed himself to consider the possibility of raising Saavik on the Enterprise.

As they beamed down to the planet again, Spock indulged in considering what her life would be like in such a case. Certainly, she would be raised with a wider appreciation of different cultures. She would not face the same struggles he did with his Vulcan identity, though living as a Vulcan among humans was frequently just as difficult.

“You’re going to think yourself into a snit,” McCoy said as they walked toward the Vulcan Embassy where the ritual would be performed. Saavik’s hand was clasped in McCoy’s. It was socially, if not inappropriate, then at least unusual to see in public. If the other Vulcans thought it strange, they were not as outspoken as Strom and Sok.

“Vulcans do not work themselves into ‘snits,’” Spock said more out of habit than anything. McCoy snorted in protestation.

“What are you thinking about?” Jim asked, frowning at him. He was, as customary, a step in front of Spock and perhaps, even by human standards, a bit too near to be entirely innocent. From this distance, Spock could see where his golden hair was beginning to grey at the temples. He wondered if it was a genetic predisposition or if the stress of their lives since Nero that was causing him to age prematurely.

Jim bumped his shoulder into Spock, who let out an exasperated breath, but spoke, “I was merely considering the possibility of remaining aboard the _Enterprise_.”

Saavik and Jim both stopped dead in their tracks. McCoy slowed as his hand was tugged back and Spock stopped just in time to avoid a collision with the captain.

“Really?” Jim asked. He looked so excited that Spock hated to crush his hopes, but he had to be practical.

“I am considering all options,” he said. “I have not made my mind up one way or the other.”

“But it’s better than before,” Jim said. “You’ve unmade up your mind about staying on New Vulcan.”

“You’re awfully quiet, but if the lack of blood-flow to my hand is anything to go by, I assume you have something to say about that,” McCoy said to Saavik. Spock glanced down at her. He had not considered that she might wish to stay on New Vulcan. It was, after all, her home. She had spent the majority of her life here. The plummeting in his stomach was enough to cement in Spock’s mind that he was not being entirely objective about this decision.

“It is not my decision,” Saavik said, looking pointedly away from Spock. “I am sure Commander Spock will make the logical decision and I will reside wherever my caretaker dictates.”

Spock stared at her for a moment and realized, suddenly, what it was that McCoy had been trying to convey to him in the mess hall. As a child, he had taken great offense at those around him assuming he was less than fully cognizant. Spock stepped forward so that he was directly in her view before speaking.

“It is not merely my future, but yours that we are discussing,” Spock said. “If you have insights into the situation, I would hear them.”

“I am not Vulcan. I am not logical,” she said in a bitter tone that spoke of a sentiment that she did not, herself, feel but had been led to believe by the opinions of others. Spock felt a strange sense of protectiveness at that, a desire to keep her from experiencing such emotional harm.

“Logic is a factor in the decision,” Spock said. “But it is not the only consideration. I wish for you to be . . . content in life.”

McCoy let out a low whistle. “Never thought I’d hear you say that. That was almost like saying you want her to be happy.”

“Bones,” Jim chastised, though the doctor just shrugged, ruffling Saavik’s hair.

“Go on, darlin’, what do you want?”

To Spock’s horror, the child’s lip began to quiver as she met the doctor’s eyes. He was not well versed in children, but he could recognize the warning signs of tears. She gripped the shoulder of his shirt with one hand, the other one coming up to wipe at her eyes. McCoy did not appear at all disturbed by this, though Spock could sense Jim’s discomfort beside him.

“Don’t leave me here,” she said, her tiny shoulders hitching with her sobs. “I don’t want to stay. Please don’t leave me here.”

“Hush now,” McCoy said, stroking a hand through her hair and then pulling her against his shoulder. “Spock’s going to take good care of you, no matter what. Don’t you worry. He’s been looking after Jim for longer than you’ve been alive! It’ll be all right.”

Jim did not protest the jibe and McCoy sent Spock a significant look. In his mind, Spock translated it in the doctor’s voice to, ‘Dammit, Spock, can’t you see this little girl needs human affection? Where do you propose to get that on New Vulcan?’

Spock frowned. The doctor had a point. It was obvious that Saavik’s needs were different from those of the average Vulcan child. Perhaps it really was in her best interest to leave this place. It did not appear to hold the fond memories that Spock associated with his own childhood. In a part of himself that he did not like to admit to, he was relieved that she did not wish to stay. He, too, longed to get back aboard the _Enterprise_. It was, after all, his home.

“What of your education?” Spock asked, though he suspected he could find some way to provide her with a proper Vulcan education even in deep space.

“With adequate resources, I can teach myself,” Saavik said. Spock raised an eyebrow.

“And the potential for danger aboard an exploratory vessel?”

Saavik met his eyes, “I am not afraid of the stars.”

She did an admirable job of trying to clear the emotion from her face, though tears still trekked down her cheeks. Spock allowed her a moment to compose herself before giving a short nod. Whether this was a wise decision, only time would tell.

“We are going to be late,” he informed them, before walking off. Not before, however, he noted the smile on McCoy’s face and the blinding grin of the captain.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg, I'm so sorry for how long it has taken me to get this chapter up. I swear that I am still writing this fic and fully intend to finish it. Thank you all for waiting for so long!
> 
> If you visit my profile, I'll also make sure to keep you updated, so if you're ever afraid I've abandoned the fic or disappeared, just check there. <3

Leonard usually tried to stay as far away from Vulcan mumbo jumbo as possible, but this was something else entirely. He was surprised at how little he minded Saavik using her telepathy on him. In fact, he was surprised to note that it was oddly similar to how he felt when Spock touched him. Not that Spock was usually touchy-feely, but he had his moments.

For a completely logical people, too, Leonard couldn’t help but think that a lot of what they did was just as mired in tradition and maintenance of the status quo as human history. Just went to show, logic wasn’t the be all end all of progress.

Currently, Leonard was trying not to let his own discomfort at the alienness of it all influence Saavik who was already visibly tense at the proceedings. Jim had questioned Spock about the ritual, but the Vulcan had been less than specific. Apparently, there would be some sort of ritualistic transference of guardianship culminating in the formation of a parental bond, or something of the sort.

Despite the fact that she was about to be placed in Spock’s custody, she seemed to be avoiding him entirely. Leonard didn’t think it was because Ambassador Spock had mistreated her in any way, on the contrary, when she said anything about him, it was with warmth. Leonard might find it hard to believe that anyone could find a Vulcan warm, but perhaps the years had softened Spock a little.

Their Spock, though, wasn’t all that inviting. Saavik seemed to have come to the same conclusion as she was constantly within a step or two of either Jim or Leonard. Children, it seemed, weren’t all that different from species to species. Perhaps that was just the nature of life.

“Ready, Saavik?” Leonard asked as they approached the building where the ceremony would take place. It was utilitarian and imposing, not the way Leonard would have chosen to start a family but Vulcans always were a bit cold.

Saavik nodded, though her hand tightened around his fingers, as though worried he’d let go.

Inside the building, Spock brought them to a room with rugs and candles and incense. Leonard wrinkled his nose at the unfamiliar scents and glanced at Jim, who appeared to be fascinated by the proceedings. Ambassador Sarek was already before them,

“Jim, Doctor,” Spock said, turning to them with stiff posture, “if you would, please kneel on either side of the rug.”

Leonard grumbled about having to contort himself into a sitting position on the stone floor, but did as requested, finally relinquishing his grip on Saavik’s hand. The girl didn’t so much as blink at the loss of contact, but Leonard could almost feel her nervousness.

Spock knelt on the mat, next to where Jim was seated and Saavik sat down nearer to Leonard.

Sarek began speaking in Vulcan. The only words Leonard could make out were Spock’s name and then Saavik’s. Spock responded slowly and deliberately. He wondered briefly at why the universal translator wasn’t working, but figured it must be some sort of shielding on this place. Secretive Vulcans, and all that.

Saavik spoke next, her voice wavering just a little. Then Spock reached forward. It wasn’t that Leonard thought that he might hurt the kid, but he had the odd desire to reach out and stop him from meddling in her mind. There was something incredibly unnatural to him about telepathy. Maybe it was xenophobic, but he didn’t like the idea of someone messing around in another being’s brain. It felt invasive.

Saavik didn’t move as Spock’s fingers rested on her psy-points. He murmured something in Vulcan and then his eyes closed. There was a long period of silence before Spock blinked, hand falling away from her face.

“The custody ceremony is complete,” Spock said, eyes still on Saavik, though his use of Standard suggested that he was talking to Jim and Leonard. Ambassador Sarek stood and the rest of them followed. Leonard nearly went down again as he tried to stand only to find that his leg had fallen asleep.

“Good god, how long were we sitting there?” Leonard said to Jim. Jim, though, was staring at where Spock and Sarek were conversing quietly. “Jim?” Leonard prompted, giving him a nudge.

“Huh?” Jim asked, quirking a half-grin at Leonard.

“Worried that daddy’s gonna ground Mr. Spock?” he asked, clapping a hand on Jim’s back.

“Shut up, Bones,” Jim said, rolling his eyes. Leonard chuckled as Saavik walked up to them.

“Are we returning to the _Enterprise_ , now?” Saavik asked. Leonard raised an eyebrow and gestured to where Spock and Sarek were conversing.

“Shouldn’t we wait for Mr. Spock?” he asked. Saavik glanced over at Spock. Well, he’d have called it a glare if it wasn’t coming from a Vulcan.

“Surely he knows how to get back aboard the ship without an escort. He is the first officer, is he not?”

“But don’t you think he might want us to wait for him? We don’t want to hurt his feelings,” Jim asked lightly, though Leonard could see that he was concerned about the avoidance going on between the two half-Vulcans.

“Vulcans do not have hurt _feelings_ ,” Saavik said, glancing almost nervously at Spock. Her hand darted out and caught Leonard’s as Spock approached them. Saavik’s grip was tight on his fingers and Leonard rubbed his thumb comfortingly over her knuckles.

Spock glanced pointedly at their joined hands but did not comment. Leonard glared. It wasn’t like he was going to refuse the kid affection if that’s what she needed, Vulcan customs be damned.

“If you are agreeable, I believe we should return to the _Enterprise_ ,” Spock said. Jim grinned, and damn Leonard was glad Spock wasn’t leaving if only because he could put that look on Jim’s face.

“All right, let’s go home,” Jim said, clapping both Leonard and Spock on the shoulder before calling to beam up.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, all I can really say is sorry? I planned to get back to this much more quickly than the five month wait period implies . . . 
> 
> Good news is that you should have two more chapters by the end of the week. I'm working full time as a freelancer again, so we'll see if that means I have more or less time to update fanfiction. I'm going to try my best to update this regularly, but life doesn't always go as planned.
> 
> Thanks for reading and thanks for waiting so patiently, you guys are great!

Even Jim knew there was an extra bounce in his step the next day. After worrying for the past few weeks about losing his best friend and first officer, he couldn’t help but feel relieved that everything was working out. Jim wandered down the hall toward the temporary quarters that they had found for Spock and Saavik. It was only until they could renovate the first officer’s quarters to suit the fact that he had a kid, but Jim found it a little disheartening to have Spock so far away. It was worth it in the long run, though. At least he was still here.

Jim made his way to the bridge where he was certain he would find Spock waiting for him, as always. Sometimes Jim wondered if the man ever slept. Vulcans did not require as much time for sleeping as humans did, but it sometimes seemed like they never slept at all. Or, at least, his Vulcan certainly didn’t.

To his surprise, Spock was not on the bridge. Since there were still thirty minutes before his shift, Jim decided to go on a search for his first officer. Jim first went to Spock’s quarters to see if he had been waylaid by his new charge, but he wasn’t there. Jim then checked the first officer’s quarters, because, well, technically those were also Spock’s. Finally, Jim wandered down to the officer’s mess because he figured that Bones might be there and Bones might know where Spock was, only to find Spock there but no sign of Bones.

“Where’s Bones?” Jim asked as he took a seat beside Spock who was sitting with his back toward the wall, probably so he could better observe the mess hall.

“Why do you call Doctor McCoy ‘Bones’?” Saavik asked from behind, making Jim jump. The girl set her tray down opposite Spock and Jim, though Jim didn’t miss that she chose the seat that was geometrically farthest from Spock.

“Uh, I thought it was funny?” Jim said with a shrug. “First time we met, he said he had ‘nothing but his bones’ and since sawbones is an archaic term for a doctor, it just seemed appropriate.”

Saavik tilted her head then gave a nod as though accepting this answer. Jim couldn’t help but smile. He was, honestly, a little out of his depth with the kid, having not interacted one on one with one . . . well, ever, but she was kind of cute in a strange, Vulcan sort of way.

“I have not seen Dr. McCoy in approximately sixteen hours,” Spock said.

“Dr. McCoy is in the medical bay,” Saavik said, though she didn’t elaborate on why she knew this. Jim shrugged. Maybe he’d had an early breakfast.

Jim and Spock both watched Saavik begin eating her breakfast.

“So, what is Saavik going to be doing during the day?” Jim asked, “I know there hasn’t been much time to finalize any plans, but do you have any preliminary plans?”

“We are undecided,” Saavik said. Jim turned to the girl with surprise.

When he spoke, Jim could hear the tightness in Spock’s voice. “We have decided. Saavik will be placed in the nursery during the day until we are able to find a suitable arrangement for her education.”

Saavik gave Spock a dark look that would have quelled a lesser man.

“The human nursery is inadequate,” Saavik said.

“I do not dispute that the nursery is inadequate in the long term, but compromises must be made for now,” Spock insisted.

“Excuse me,” Jim cut in, “but what exactly is wrong with the nursery?”

“There is nothing wrong with the nursery, Jim,” Spock said, “it is merely inadequate for the advanced nature of a Vulcan child.”

Jim opened his mouth and then shut it again, deciding that he really didn’t want to get into the species debate right now. Instead he turned to Saavik. “And what, exactly, do you propose you should do while Spock is on shift?” Jim reached out and stole an untouched apple slice from Spock’s plate. Spock raised an eyebrow but didn’t protest.

“I will remain in Commander Spock’s quarters,” she said, “continuing my research.”

Jim nearly choked on his apple and had to pound his chest until he could breathe again. Spock gave him what he could only describe as a long suffering look.

“What research? You’re what, five?”

As soon as he said it, he realized that he must have made some faux pas. Saavik stiffened.

“I am eleven point eight six two nine years, old, according to Old Vulcan standard time.” Jim didn’t ask whether Vulcans still counted in Old Vulcan time, it seemed insensitive.

“Ah, uh, pardon me,” Jim said, quickly converting that to just about four in earth years.

“Regardless,” Spock said, “you are too young to be in the labs unsupervised.”

“I would not be unsupervised,” Saavik objected, “the labs, as I saw yesterday, are fully manned by science officers who could--”

“Science officers who have their own work to do without under utilizing their time watching you,” Spock said.

“Spock!” Jim said as Saavik went ramrod stiff, pushed away her half-eaten breakfast, and swung her tiny legs over the bench.

“If you’ll excuse me,” she said, “I believe I will find Dr. McCoy in the medical bay before I return to the nursery.” She said the last word as if they were asking her to watch paint dry all day. Though, for a little Vulcan, perhaps that is what a predominately human nursery looked like.

“I have upset her,” Spock mused as he watched the child leave the room.

“You just told her that watching her was a waste of time!” Jim said in exasperation. Spock blinked at him, lips twitching into the smallest of frowns.

“I did not tell her anything of the sort,” he said. Jim sighed, motioning that Spock should follow him back to the bridge.

“You told her that it was a waste of a science officer’s time to watch her,” he said as they exited the mess hall. Spock rose an eyebrow.

“It would be a waste of a science officer’s time to watch her,” Spock insisted. “That is not their job. Anything that detracts from their duty is an inefficient use of their time.”

Jim let out a slow breath, trying not to get too upset about this himself. He remembered all too well what it was like to hear that you weren’t wanted from your caretakers. Not that Spock was trying to imply that, but that was certainly how it sounded.

“You are a science officer,” Jim said. Spock nodded, looking expectantly at Jim, as though waiting for him to make a further point. Jim just gave him a steady look. Spock frowned just a little, considering. Jim knew the exact instant he put two and two together because he stopped dead in the hall. Jim took a steadying breath before turning back around to face him.

Spock opened his mouth, then closed it again. Then cocked his head in that way that he did when he accidentally did something he was guilty about. Jim gave him a weak smile.

“That was not my intent,” he said. “It is not my subordinates’ job to care for her; it is, however, mine.”

“I know that, Spock,” he said, walking back over to clap Spock on the shoulder. “After all this time, of course I know that.” He let the implied, but she doesn’t, hang in the air without saying it. Spock would remedy the situation how he saw fit, and Jim took comfort in knowing that Saavik was seeking out Bones. He wouldn’t have thought it from his rather moody and crass friend, but Bones seemed to have a way with the kid. She’d find whatever comfort she needed there.

“Come on,” Jim said, giving his shoulder a nudge, “we’re due on the bridge. And don’t look so put out. You’ll get the hang of it.”

“Vulcans do not look ‘put out,’” Spock said, though he seemed to be faraway somewhere in his thoughts. Jim shrugged, giving Spock another squeeze on the shoulder. They would figure it out, because the alternative was Spock leaving to raise the kid on New Vulcan, and that just wasn’t going to cut it. Not as far as Jim was concerned.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know I promised this last week, but I forgot to get it to my beta reader until late. Good news is that I have two more chapters done already, so you get three chapters this time.

Leonard had slept in. He wasn’t a morning person by nature, but when he didn’t get his requisite 8 hours, he basically turned into a zombie. So, instead of hitting the mess hall, he had grabbed a cup of coffee from the replicator in his quarters before heading straight to the med bay. He was a little surprised to see Saavik already sitting on a biobed speaking to Dr. Chapel about the difficulties of xenobiology as pertaining to medicine. Leonard chuckled, and ruffled her hair as he approached.

“What are you doing here, darlin’?” Leonard asked, giving Christine a nod in greeting. Christine smiled then took her leave of med bay.

M’Benga was already tending to the incoming patients—most of them engineers, of course—so he spared a moment for the kid. She was holding a clipboard with rows of precise but child-like rows of notes. Leonard couldn’t help but smile as he gestured to the board.

“Taking notes?”

Saavik gave a short nod, looking almost nervous.

“Suddenly interested in medicine, or do you take notes on everything?”

Saavik looked at him for a moment before holding out her clipboard so he could read it. On it was an impressive transcription—in Standard shorthand—of the conversation she had just been having with Christine Chapel.

“Is there a reason you’ve written it all down instead of recording it on your PADD?” Leonard couldn’t help but question.

“Spock always said that it was better for synaptic recall to write it by hand,” she said.

“Are you interested in the medical field?”

“No,” she said. Leonard’s lips twitched. “However, it is functional to learn the basics of first aid. As a Starfleet officer, it would be negligent not to know basic medical information about the species aboard the ship.”

“You’ve already decided you’re going to be a Starfleet officer, then?” Leonard asked. His heart giving a strange ache at the thought of this tiny little creature someday growing up to do something as dangerous as explore space.

Of course, she was already in mortal peril just by virtue of residing on the Enterprise. Death around every corner, and that was before Jim had told him how they were 50% more likely than the average Starfleet vessel to find themselves in mortal danger.

Saavik gave him a determined look. “I am going to command the Starfleet flagship,” she said with utter confidence.

Leonard ruffled her hair again as he handed her back her clipboard. “Well, then, you shouldn’t be hanging around med bay, you should find Commander Spock and ask him a bit about command.”

“What about the Captain?” Saavik asked, her lips turning down ever so slightly. Leonard sighed. Spock had asked him not to meddle, but, really, they were getting nowhere with their insistence on avoidance.

“Jim might be the captain,” Leonard said. “But, honestly, he couldn’t tell you nearly as much about regulations as Spock can. And wouldn’t it be in the ship’s best interest for you to use all the resources at your disposal to the fullest?”

Saavik considered this for a moment, before giving a tiny nod. “I will find Commander Spock and gather intelligence on Starfleet operating procedures.”

As the little girl wandered back out of the med bay, Leonard felt a wave of protectiveness tempt him to abandon post and follow her to Spock’s quarters. He had suggested they speak, but, now that he was really thinking about it, his mind was running through all of the ways in which Spock could inadvertently mess it up. Whatever he said about the needs of a Vulcan child, Spock clearly had no idea what it was a child needed. Not that he could probably blame him, Spock, after all, was a half-human child raised under Vulcan influence. He probably didn’t even realize that he had never received the kind of affection that a child needs, let alone understand that Saavik might need it.

That, and the Vulcan First Officer could just be kind of clueless.

Sure enough, it wasn’t an hour later when Saavik returned. Her clipboard was tucked tightly against her chest, and she was so stiff she looked like she might shatter. Leonard let out a slow breath, telling the ensign he was working on that he could go back to duty, before turning to Saavik.

“Saavik,” Leonard greeted. “I thought you were going to get breakfast with Spock.”

“Commander Spock would rather be without my presence,” Saavik said, her voice level, though Leonard didn’t miss the slight quiver of her chin. Leonard let out a sigh. Clearly these two had some things to work out. And Spock probably needed a good wallop upside that pretty head of his. Not that Leonard thought his head was particularly pretty, but that seemed to be the consensus among the crew.

“I doubt that,” Leonard said, though, really, who could tell with a Vulcan? Spock seemed, at least, wiling to try to do right by the child.

“He said that watching me is a poor use of time,” she said. Leonard opened his mouth to speak, but Saavik quickly changed the subject, “I have come to ask if I might observe your work, instead.”

“Instead of observing Spock’s work?” Leonard asked. Was that what Spock was planning on having the kid do during the day? Hang out on the bridge with him and the Captain. He supposed that he could see where that might appeal to a Vulcan child, but he still didn’t think that the bridge was a child-appropriate area.

Saavik looked at him a little guiltily before shaking her head. “No, Commander Spock desires that I spend my day in the nursery.”

Leonard raised an eyebrow at her, folding his arms across his chest in his best disciplinary stance. “Hmm, if that’s where Mr. Spock wants you to be, then that’s where you ought to be, darlin’.”

“I am more advanced than the human children in the nursery,” Saavik complained. Leonard just shrugged.

“And I’m certain that Spock will find something more suitable for you when time permits, but he’s the First Officer of the ship, you’ll have to give him time.”

“I am old enough to tend to myself,” she said. The stubbornness in the tiny voice made Leonard’s heart squeeze uncomfortably.

“I’m sure that on Vulcan you were, but this is a Federation Starship. If nothing else, it’s against regulation to allow a child go without adult supervision.” Leonard choked back a laugh at the idea that Spock, it would seem, had not reached the age of majority.

“Can’t I stay here with you?” Saavik said, then, looking up at him with big hazel eyes.

Leonard chuckled and patted her head. “The infirmary is no place for a youngster. You run along to the Nursery. I’m sure that you can talk to Spock about better placement soon.”

Saavik gave him what might have passed as a pout on a Vulcan, though her lips barely moved. Leonard sighed. He’d never thought it particularly difficult to interact with children, but he wasn’t at all certain that he could teach Spock how to interact with them, let alone get through parenting one.


	14. Chapter 14

Doctor McCoy dropped by during Spock’s shift to inform him that Saavik had wandered down to the med bay that morning and that he had had an ensign escort her to the nursery.

“I’m not saying that you’re being negligent, but do you really think she should be allowed to wander around the ship without supervision?”

Spock bristled at the accusation. “She’s eleven-years-old, there’s no need to coddle her. We are, for all intents and purposes, isolated. There is not anywhere for her to get unduly lost on the _Enterprise_ , Doctor.”

“That doesn’t mean there aren’t any dangerous places on the  _Enterprise_!” McCoy snapped. Spock raised an eyebrow. That was certainly true, but McCoy seemed to be laboring under the impression that Saavik was the equivalent of a human child.

“Even so, all hazardous rooms are clearly marked. Saavik is perfectly capable of reading.”

“The ability to read a warning sign has never stopped Jim from doing something stupid, and he’s a grown man,” McCoy said.

“The captain is still human,” Spock pointed out. “Humans are known to give into impulse and curiosity far more frequently than even a child on Vulcan.”

“Hey,” Jim protested, though he didn’t seem inclined to join in the conversation.

“That’s not the point!”

“Then, if I may ask, what is your point?” Spock asked, growing tired of the false comparisons and assumptions.

My point is that you don’t really know how she’ll react,” Leonard said. “You’re basing all of your assumptions on the fact that she’s Vulcan, but she’s only half Vulcan, and you can’t tell me that even on Vulcan there’s only one blueprint for a child. Isn’t the basis of your philosophy, ‘Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations?’”

Spock considered this for a moment, then nodded. “I agree that I cannot know how the child will react to every situation without further observation. However, I cannot believe that Ambassador Spock did not at least teach her the danger of ignoring warning signs on a starship. If you’ll excuse me, I have an analysis to run.”

McCoy let out a long breath but let the topic drop.

Now that Spock was off his shift, he could not help but think back on what Doctor McCoy had said. It was not logical to make assumptions, but as McCoy had pointed out, he was making a fair number of them in regard to the child. It was a shameful thing to realize about one’s self. He had assumed that the child would function much the way that he had. Vulcan children may not be copies of one another, but there were certain behavioral similarities that even Spock’s human blood had not tempered. Then, of course, there was the environmental factor in the equation.

But Saavik had not been raised on Vulcan as Spock had. And when she had finally ended up among other Vulcans, she had been raised by a half-human hybrid. There were, as Doctor McCoy pointed out, differences to be expected. But with a child that was, for all practical intents, unique, how was Spock supposed to gage the best way to fill her needs?

This, he supposed, is where it would be useful to have luck or intuition or whatever it was that McCoy and Jim were always citing as evidence or cause for action.

Perhaps, in this one thing, it might be prudent to draw on his human companions’ wealth of knowledge. And if he was completely honest with himself, though he tried not to be in this respect, he found that he desperately desired someone to, well, help him in this. Child rearing had never been something he had expected to be party to. Due to his unique biology . . . well, it was unlikely that he would ever have offspring of his own, and so he had put the thought out of his mind.

It had not even occurred to him that it might be something he wanted until Ambassador Spock had told him that he would, in fact, experience the Pon Farr. That had inspired him to do further research. It was, if not probable, then at least possible that he might start a family in the future.

It had been enough to make him consider returning to Simon 316 II to continue Ambassador Spock’s contributions. Including, potentially helping in the revitalization of the species, despite his half-human status.

Saavik was waiting in their temporary quarters when he arrived after his shift. She appeared to be doing work from a schoolbook she brought up from New Vulcan. Spock nodded approvingly at her before turning to the replicator. Usually he would meet Jim and McCoy for their evening meal, either in Jim’s quarters or or the Officers’ Mess, but Spock decided it was better to feed the child and put her to bed before joining Jim for their customary game of chess.

“Have you eaten?” Spock asked. Saavik looked up at him. Her face was a perfect mask of calm, but Spock still felt that wave of emotion every time he entered a room with her. It unsettled him with its strength, even through his mental shields. It was like an echo of the pain and grief he had felt at Vulcan’s destruction, the feeling of billions of simultaneous deaths. So many Katra lost to the ether without Mount Seleya and the Vulcan Priestesses tasked with their care.

“I have not eaten.”

Spock nodded and then turned to the replicator, choosing an appropriately nutritional meal for a child. He hesitated for a moment, wondering about how her Romulan biology might alter her needs, but concluded that, due to their common ancestry, it was unlikely that there was anything substantially different about her nutritional requirements.

“Once you have eaten, it will be time to retire for the evening,” Spock said. Saavik stiffened and Spock could feel the disagreement in her emotions even if he couldn’t see it in her face.

“It is only 20:17,” she protested. “Ambassador Spock allowed me to continue my work until 21:00.”

“You are not Ambassador Spock’s charge any longer,” Spock said, ignoring the way her eyes visibly shuttered at that. “You will retire once you have eaten. You may continue your work when you wake in the morning.”

“I only require 8 hours of sleep,” she continued to argue. Spock felt a wave of irritation despite himself.

“I am aware of this,” he said. “However, as my shift starts at 05:00, you will have to be at your first tutor’s quarters by 04:50.”

“Tutors?” Saavik asked, her eyes snapping up to meet him. Her rush of excitement and no little part ambition cooled the irritation he had felt before. It was understandable, he supposed, that she would be ill-suited to a human nursery. And McCoy’s insistence that his efforts at doing what was best for her were inadequate had spurred him to expedite his plans to find her more suitable education.

“I will forward your schedule to you by morning,” he said. “Though I can tell you that your first lesson will be with Montgomery Scott in engineering from 05:00 to 06:00.”

“Mr. Scott?” she asked. “He’s not a professional educator.”

“No, but he will suffice, if you can keep up with him,” Spock said, recognizing the same streak of ambition in her that he had seen in Nyota at the academy.

As predicted, Saavik’s eyes narrowed. “That will be no problem.”

Spock hoped it wouldn’t be. He had only managed this by agreeing to sign off on a potentially ill-advised modification to the thrusters in exchange for an hour of Scott’s time each morning dedicated to tutoring her in mathematics and engineering. Her other tutors had been a bit easier. His own understanding of linguistics and computer programming would be sufficient to educate her in those respects, several others had consented to aid in her education, including Doctor McCoy who had almost jovially agreed to tutor her in xenobiology.

The last person to ask was Jim, actually. Few people really understood the captain’s intelligence, let alone love of literature, but Spock knew for a fact that the library in his quarters contained a multitude of physical volumes from across the known universe, mostly translations, but some even written in their native language. His PADD was so full of electronic books that Spock had remarked that he was surprised Jim had time to read them all while attending the academy, to which Jim had replied with a shrug saying that he got  _bored_.

That had shocked Spock as it was not something he had heard said about the command track at the Academy, let alone from a man who had completed the command track in three years, but he did not doubt Jim’s sincerity.

No, Jim didn’t let people see his intelligence easily—Spock was unsure whether that was tactical or an oversight—but when he was at ease, it was not hard to see why he was one of the few members of the crew who could truly challenge Spock in a game of chess. He would have to speak to Jim over their game this evening.

If he ever got to Jim’s quarters, that was. Saavik seemed to be conducting a thorough study of what to expect as she peppered him with questions about her tutor through dinner. It wasn’t until just past 21:00 that he finally closed the door on the sleeping child.


	15. Chapter 15

Jim wasn’t sure whether he should be expecting Spock tonight or not. They had a standing date for every Tuesday—technically there are no Terran weekdays in space, Jim, even if the universe did run on Terran time. It is merely our shared second off shift in the roster cycle, his brain automatically corrected in Spock’s even tone—to play chess, but with everything going on, it was possible that Spock was not going to show. Still, Jim prepared his quarters as he did every not-Tuesday.

He poured himself a glass of Terran brandy and set out a self-heated mug of replicated tea on Spock’s side of the table. Spock was customarily on time, so by the time it reached a quarter-past, Jim let out a disappointed sigh and began to put away the pieces. He had just settled his queen into her storage slot when his door chimed.

“Come in,” Jim called. Spock stepped through the door, looking rather tense.

“I apologize for my tardiness,” Spock said. Jim just grinned, replacing all of his pieces on the board.

“Nonsense, you’ll probably have to get used to running behind now that you’ve got a kid.”

Spock’s expression seemed to darken at this reminder. Jim frowned but waved for Spock to take a seat. He couldn’t help but admire those pale fingers as they wrapped around his tea, bringing the mug to his face so he could inhale the scent. It was an odd sort of behavior, one that spoke more of his rarely seen human side than his Vulcan side. It made Jim pleasantly warm inside that Spock trusted him to witness this part of himself.

Spock made the first move, and they played in silence for a long while, though he could tell Spock wasn’t really paying attention to the game. He was putting only half-hearted effort into his strategies, ones that Jim could easily poke holes in.

“What’s got you looking so grim?” Jim asked. Spock raised his eyes and then raised his eyebrows on top of that in a way that reminded Jim fondly of everyone’s dread of Spock’s advanced phonology course at the academy. Not that Jim had ever taken it. He had tested out of his linguistics requirements and never thought twice about who taught advanced phonology.

“I do not look grim,” Spock said, though the protest was as half-hearted as his game.

Jim just waited, watching Spock’s finger where it rested on his remaining bishop.

“I have a favor to ask you,” he began. Jim frowned, trying to think of what Spock could want to ask him for that would make him look quite this unsettled. He had about decided Spock wanted to return to New Vulcan after all, when he continued with, “I recognize that it is not my place to ask and I have no desire to interfere with your duties as captain, but I have had some difficulty in finding a suitable candidate to teach her literature and writing.”

Jim nodded slowly. “So you want me to help you find a tutor for Saavik?” Jim asked, wondering why this was such a terrible thing to ask of him. Though he wasn’t sure why Spock wanted help from Jim of all people if he couldn’t find a candidate himself.

“No, Captain,” Spock said. Jim grimaced at the formality. “I have been through the rosters and I have already found the most qualified candidate.”

“Spock,” Jim cut in, “you know I can’t force anyone to take on responsibilities outside of their purview as Starfleet personnel.”

Spock let out a huff—except Vulcans don’t huff, of course. “Captain—Jim—I am aware of the regulations regarding your authority on the ship. I am not asking you to compel anyone to tutor Saavik, I am asking if you would be willing to tutor Saavik yourself.”

“Me?” Jim asked, floored. “I’m not qualified to teach anything to anyone.”

“I do not believe that the commitment would be as challenging as you are obviously anticipating. Vulcan learning is primarily self-directed. I merely need experts in each of her studies to correct her where she errs and help her interpret anything she does not understand.”

“Well, then, wouldn’t you be better at that?” Jim asked, scratching his chin. Spock leveled his gaze on him and Jim was caught momentarily in the darkness of those eyes.

“You are the most well-read person on this ship,” Spock said evenly. “And your grasp of language and how to use it is part of the reason you are such an effective diplomat—despite your distaste for it.”

Jim fidgeted, hoping his face didn’t look as red as he thought it did. “Uh, thanks, Spock. If you really need help, then, yeah, I’ll do it.”

“You do not have to,” Spock said, though Jim could tell he really did want Jim to do this for some reason. “I do not want to interfere with your duties.”

“No, I’ll do it, Spock,” he said. “I assume you already have a timetable drawn up?” He grinned when Spock nodded, telling him he’d send it to his PADD.

“Well? What else is on your mind, because you can’t honestly have thought I’d say no,” Jim asked a couple minutes later.

Spock looked up at him, as though surprised that Jim had noticed anything was wrong. And maybe it was a bit odd. Spock didn’t look particularly distressed, but there was something in the air that hinted at his friend’s tension.

Spock didn’t answer for a long moment and they played a couple more moves before Spock looked down at the board and gracefully conceded defeat by tipping his king. He leaned back in his chair and studied Jim for a moment.

“I am concerned—” Spock started, though the thought trailed off and Spock snapped his moth shut.

“Concerned about Saavik?” Jim guessed.

“Yes. No. Not about her in the way of being concerned about her physical wellbeing, but rather about myself, or my own interactions with her.”

“Sorry, I’m not following,” Jim said, reaching across the table to steal Spock’s tea and refill it while his friend composed his thoughts.

“Saavik brings my emotions to the surface,” Spock admitted quietly, looking down at their hands as Jim handed him the mug of tea. Jim was shocked to hear that. Not because he doubted that Spock felt and felt deeply, but because he was willing to admit it to Jim.

“Emotions regarding what?” Jim asked, though he thought he could guess.

“Many things,” Spock said. “But mostly . . .” Spock ducked his head further, as though in shame. “I fear my own emotions regarding her.”

Jim’s heart thudded in his chest. He didn’t know what to say to that. He couldn’t imagine the conflicting emotions Spock must be feeling, but he did not doubt Spock’s ability to do what was right for Saavik. Even if that meant dealing with his own emotions in a way that he’d never had to before.

“I am afraid that I am biased against her,” he said. “I still feel . . . hatred. Hatred toward the Romulans for what they did.”

“They’re gone, Spock,” Jim reminded gently.

“I know this,” Spock said, hand clenching around the mug. “I know it is not logical, it is not rational, but I still feel hatred.”

Jim nodded. “That’s not surprising.” Spock’s gaze shot up to him. Jim shrugged. “It’s only human. It doesn’t need to make sense. Emotions rarely conform to the laws of rationality.”

“I do not know if I can be unbiased in regards to her because of her Romulan blood,” Spock said.

“You will be,” Jim said, keeping his eyes steady on Spock. “Because you know what it’s like to be judged for your heritage. You won’t put her in that position if you can help it.”

Spock’s expression changed into something almost vulnerable, as though he desperately wanted to believe Jim, but wasn’t quite getting there.

“And even if you struggle with that,” Jim continued, “you aren’t alone here. You’ve got friends. You’ve got me. And if I have to be mommy to a baby Vulcan, then I’ll do it.”

“Do human norms not dictate you would be father instead of mother?” Spock said, though his expression had softened into something that Jim interpreted as a smile.

“I’ll be mommy if I want to,” he argued. Spock just shook his head, but seemed more at ease than he had since he got there.

“Thank you, Jim,” he said. “I am fortunate to have you as a friend.” His gaze seemed to say so much more than that, but Jim just smiled and brushed it off as wishful thinking. He hadn’t thought of himself as being greedy with his friends, but when it came to Spock, he found himself wanting always just a little bit more than Spock could give. Jim always wanted them to be just a little bit more, to be just a little bit closer.

He wanted Spock to love him in the same way Jim loved Spock.

The thought constricted in his throat. Was that why he always wanted more than Spock could give? Was he in love with his first officer?

No, love didn’t necessarily mean _romantic_ love. He could love Spock like a brother. Only he didn’t really love Spock like a brother. As precious as Spock’s friendship was to him, Jim wasn’t satisfied. He wanted to be closer to him in _every_ way. The thought filled Jim with shame. Spock had enough to deal with without Jim lusting after him.

Damn he was petty. Is that why he was so glad when Spock and Uhura broke up? Because Jim wanted Spock all to himself? Well, he _did_ want Spock all to himself. He wanted to monopolize Spock completely, even as he recognized that that wasn’t exactly a healthy sort of basis for a relationship.

“Glad to do what I can,” Jim said around the lump in his throat. “Though you might consider talking to Bones about all this, too.”

“How does this involve McCoy?” Spock asked warily.

“Well, besides being your friend,” Jim said, “he’s also chief medical officer.”

“Doctor M’Benga is my physician,” Spock pointed out. Jim smiled.

“Yeah, but Bones specialized in psychology. I know it doesn’t always seem that way, but he knows people. He might know how to help you better than I could.”

Spock’s lips twitched, but he said, “I will consider it.”

It was nearly midnight by the time Spock nodded his farewell to Jim and headed out the door.

It was only then that the full impact of what he had said and what he had realized. He wasn’t qualified to be a teacher let alone a parent. But at the time, he couldn’t just let Spock continue to worry himself to death. Because he loved him. Jim loved Spock. Jim loved Spock in a very serious sort of way and he wasn’t sure what to do about it.

So, naturally, Jim marched down to Bones’ rooms, misusing his security override to enter when Bones didn’t immediately answer. Bones was asleep, but woke up easily enough when Jim gave his shoulder a solid shake. Bones gave him a solid smack on the shoulder for waking him, but got up and threw on a white t-shirt before sitting back down on the bed to listen to Jim’s explanation of what had happened during his and Spock’s chess game.

“So I just accidentally became a mother and now I have to live up to my promise and raise the child because I’m in love with Spock.”

“Jim,” Bones said, pinching the bridge of his nose and giving Jim his most put-upon frown, “that was goddamn obvious from the beginning. I’m not sure why you’re freaking out about it now.”

“Bones, I don’t know anything about kids!” he said, then paused. “Or did you mean that I was in love with Spock, because, frankly, if you knew that, you might have _told_ me.”

“What is there to know? You feed them, make sure they don’t open airlocks, and put them to bed on time. Though, really, I was talking about the Spock thing, which is now the Spock and Saavik thing. This isn’t as complicated as you seem to think it is, Jim.”

“Bones,” Jim pleaded, “what do I do?”

“Quit saying my name, you’re gonna wear it out,” he snapped, but Jim gave him his best puppy-dog eyes and Bones sighed. “What do you want me to say? That I’m here for you? You already know that, kid,” he said rather gruffly, even as he reached out to ruffle Jim’s hair. “Spock would be a fool not to realize that what you two have together is a good thing and rare. I don’t think he’s likely to want to throw that away.”

Jim was rather touched by his friend’s words. It wasn’t that he didn’t think Bones would be there, but it was nice to hear it confirmed in so many words. Sometimes Jim still expected Bones to get tired of his shit eventually and leave him for something—or someone—better, so he tried not to demand too much of Bones.

But just now the affection and comfort was appreciated. Even if it was followed by an irritated, “Now get the hell out. I need my sleep if I’m supposed to keep track of the kid as well as you two incompetents.”

Jim chuckled, then pulled Bones into a firm hug, trying to convey just how much that meant to him. “Thanks, Bones. You’re the best.”

“Yeah, sure,” he grumbled, giving Jim a solid thump on the back. “Now get!”

Jim laughed but did as he was commanded as Bones stripped his shirt back off, burrowing under the covers even before Jim reached the door.

“Thank you, Bones,” he called again before the door shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally getting somewhere with this! Sorry for the couple of boring chapters. We'll get back to more interesting things in the next three chapters, I promise. ;D
> 
> I'm aiming to write three chapters a week until the fic is done (and I have no idea how long it will end up), but I'm going to go ahead and promise that I will update at least once a week assuming my beta reader can get around to them.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, the funny thing is that I've actually had these three chapters written for THREE WEEKS NOW. Only, I kept hoping my beta reader would have a chance to get to it. She hasn't had time, though, because of life, so I'm giving you this now and will edit it whenever she gets around to reading it. (I feel terrible about leaving you hanging this long.)
> 
> So, sorry for the inferior quality, feel free to point out any typos or inconsistencies you notice! I'm always a bit paranoid when I don't have my stuff beta'd before I post it.
> 
> I really meant to get this back to you sooner. Life got crazy with a wedding and other things at the end of the month and now I'm going to be busy with writing original work until February (6 novels planned in that time). Don't fear, though, I'm not planning on leaving you hanging until then! I will keep writing, hopefully getting you at least a chapter a week.
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with me this long, I hope you enjoy these next few chapters!

Spock did consider Jim’s suggestion that he speak with McCoy, but quicky decided that it was not a logical course of action. Doctor McCoy was knowledgable about human children, that was true, and he was trained in psychology, though it was not his primary occupation, but he did not know about Vulcan psychology. At least, not as much as Spock, as a Vulcan, already knew. So there was no plausible reason to go to him for aid in this. Spock would teach himself how to raise the child, and moreover, how to deal with his own illogical resentment toward her species, on his own. McCoy wasn’t known to be overly sensitive towards those of species outside of his own, so Spock was certain he would not be helpful in this.

That morning, Spock had walked Saavik down to engineering, though she insisted that the action was unnecessary. Spock countered that it was logical for him to ensure that Mr. Scott had not forgotten about the arrangement. Saavik did not seem convinced by this assertion, but allowed him to follow her down to her first lesson anyway.

It was now close to 14:00 hours. She had already completed most of the lessons Spock has arranged for her, but Spock found his mind continually wandering back to her and whether Saavik had managed to find all of her lessons all right. Spock had provided her a timetable as well as a map marked with each of the locations she would meet with her teachers, but there was always room for error where organic organisms were involved.

“Worried about Saavik,” Jim asked, grinning at him in that way that said he was making fun of him, or at least _teasing_.

“There is little to worry about,” Spock said, raising an eyebrow. Jim’s grin broadened.

“First day of school, though,” Jim pointed out. “It’s only natural that you’d be worried.”

“Vulcans do not worry, Captain.”

Jim shrugged. “Was she excited to hear about your arrangement?”

“She seemed to find the arrangement more suitable than the nursery,” Spock said, remembering her interest with a peculiar warmth. Perhaps it was only natural to desire your offspring to thrive. Saavik was not technically his offspring, but she may be the closest thing he ever had.

“Good to hear. Do you fancy a game of chess later tonight?” Jim asked. Spock shook his head.

“I must attend to Saavik this evening,” he declined. Jim’s face fell, but he soon put a smile back on his face and patted Spock’s shoulder.

“All right, then,” he said. “Though you could always bring Saavik along, too, you know.”

Spock nodded slowly. He knew that Jim would not judge him for his interactions with Saavik, but he was unsure how to behave around her while also in front of Jim. He was not used to interactions with children and he knew that he must make frequent errors in regards to Saavik. It was not easy to be less than satisfactory at something let alone to show the captain and your closest friend such faults. Especially after what he had admitted to Jim the other night.

“I will consider it,” Spock said. “Tonight, however, I must attend to her schooling.”

“Ah,” Jim said, grinning, “wouldn’t want to derail her education.”

It was illogical, but Spock was almost disappointed that Jim did not insist on joining them for Saavik’s lesson. Jim may not have been an linguistics expert, but he certainly had some insights. And Spock wasn’t above admitting that he had come to miss the captain’s company in the last few days.

“I will see you tomorrow, then,” Spock said before he left the bridge. Saavik would just be finishing with her lesson with Yeoman Janice Rand, barely more than a child herself, but with a keen insight into Federation history. Spock walked down to the officer’s lounge where Saavik was taking her lesson. He paused outside the door when he heard Saavik’s voice.

“The Federation was formed first between Terrans and Vulcans?” she asked, though it seemed more a statement than a question. By her age, she was certainly aware of that.

“Yes,” Rand said. “The first contact between Terrans and an extraterrestrial race was with the Vulcans.”

“And what about Romulans?” Saavik asked.

“What do you mean? Romulans never joined the Federation,” Rand explained.

“I am aware of that,” Saavik said. “But when did the Terrans first come in contact with them? And the Vulcans?”

“I’m afraid I don’t really know much about Romulan history. I don’t believe that most people, Terrans, that is, had ever encountered a Romulan until the attack on the _USS Kelvin_. And even then, most of us didn’t know much of anything about them until the Nero incident.”

“Do you harbor distrust of Romulans because of this?” Saavik asked. Spock stiffened. Apparently, this was what she had been trying to get at. There was a long pause and Spock wished he could see Rand’s face to interpret her expression and whether he should step in.

“Why do you ask?” Her question was more curious than defensive. Spock took that as a good sign.

“Nero destroyed a significant portion of Starfleet’s vessels, and took a significant number of Terran lives.”

“That’s true,” Rand said. “And that was a terrible event. But is an entire species to blame for the actions of a small group? Of one man? I don’t judge you for being Romulan.”

“I am not Romulan,” Saavik said stiffly. “I am Vulcan.”

“I didn’t mean to say that you weren’t, only that you are also Romulan, correct? That’s why you are asking.” There was a pause and Spock assumed Saavik must have given some non-verbal answer.

“Well,” Rand continued, “I don’t think I judge you for that. At least, I try not to. I have friends and colleagues from many star systems, each of them unique, and not just because of biological diversity. Each being within a species is unique, too. There is nothing wrong with being Romulan any more than there is with being Vulcan or Terran.”

“Would you believe the same if it was Earth that was destroyed and not Vulcan?”

Rand let out a long breath. “You’re really asking about Commander Spock, aren’t you?” There was a tense moment before Rand continued, “Is he not treating you well, Saavik? Has he said anything to you or done anything to hurt you or make you feel unsafe?”

Spock couldn’t bring himself to wait for Saavik’s answer. It was clear that she had interpreted far more of his emotion than he had intended. Spock opened the door and entered. Both Rand and Saavik’s heads snapped towards him. Saavik’s expression was a perfect mask, but Rand looked like she’d been caught. She stood and smiled nervously at him.

“Saavik is very bright,” she said. “She already knows a great deal about Federation history.”

Spock nodded. “Saavik, are you ready to return to our quarters?”

Saavik nodded and hopped down off the stool she had been occupying. She bid Rand a polite farewell and followed Spock without a word. Spock did not fail to notice Rand’s worried glance after them. Spock would have to have a word with her soon, to assure her that it was illogical to harm a child.

He filed the thought away for a later date. For now, it was time for Saavik’s lesson on computer programming. The facilities on board a starship were not up to Vulcan standards, but then, neither were the accommodations on New Vulcan, so they would have to make due.

As it turned out, Spock needn’t have worried, Saavik put forth the same amount of effort and ambition that Spock had at her age. She was driven and clever enough to figure out how to make the best of the resources at her disposal. That, he could only assume, was why she had asked Rand for her opinion on Spock’s biases against her.

He would likely have to speak with Saavik about that, too, though he wasn’t sure he was prepared for that yet. He would need to meditate first.

“Were your lessons satisfactory?” Spock asked as they sat down to eat their evening meal. Saavik looked at him for a moment, considering then gave a brief nod.

“Lieutenant Commander Scott is very adept at engineering,” she observed.

“And were you able to learn from your experience?”

Saavik hesitated, “He is unconventional in his methods.”

“Yes, it is a trait that many humans possess,” Spock said. Saavik nodded.

“Yeoman Rand is also adept at her subject,” Saavik said.

“I am gratified that you have found the experience educational.”

“Tomorrow I will learn from the Captain and Doctor McCoy, correct?”

“Yes, and the rest of the day you will spend in the nursery conducting self-study.”

Saavik’s mouth twitched into a frown that Spock felt more through their bond more than saw.

“I have an alternative suggestion,” she said slowly. Spock’s first impulse was to tell her that he had already come to the most logical solution, but decided that it was in the child’s best interest to encourage discourse.

“Yes?”

Spock recognized her pleasure at his willingness to listen and made note of it.

“If you specifications for an experiment I began on New Vulcan some months ago,” Saavik said, her tone indicating that it had been something she had been doing with Ambassador Spock. Spock nodded.

“I received your specifications.”

“I would like to divert a portion of my self-study to my project,” she said. Spock considered it for a moment. Her project was a relatively simplistic adaptation of a propulsion unit. It was unlikely to pose great threat to anyone aboard the enterprise, and with proper supervision would give her practical experience with mathematics and engineering.

“Science lab twelve will be relatively unoccupied tomorrow. As long as there is someone there with you and you do not get in the way of the ship’s operation, you may spend a portion of your time working on your project.”

Spock felt that air of pleasure from Saavik again and was reassured that he must be doing something right. Her solution, after all, was eminently logical.


	17. Chapter 17

Leonard really didn’t think it would hurt that much to hear Jim admit it. He _knew_ that Jim and Spock were something special, even knew that Jim loved Spock, but it was still a little bitter to hear it. Leonard had thought that it was bad to be replaced as best friend, but this was somehow an even deeper cut. Not that Leonard wanted to be with Jim in _that_ way. No, he was just a little put out that Spock got all of Jim’s affections. It just seemed a little unfair, is all.

But that was just the way things were. Life wasn’t fair and relationships weren’t equal, and Leonard had learned to accept all of that. Hell, he’d even managed to accept the inevitability of his demise in this interstellar deathtrap. Leonard was good at managing expectations.

This fact did nothing to improve his temperament, though.

He hadn’t seen Jim since he’d broken into Leonard’s quarters the other night. It wasn’t that he was avoiding him, he just had a lot of paperwork, not to mention coming up with new and interesting methods of teaching Saavik.

The girl had dropped by only twice since Spock had proposed Leonard take part in her education, and Leonard found that he missed the little girl more than he would have expected. He’d only known her for a couple days, but it was enough to make him remember his fondness for children. And remind him of his own little girl back on Earth.

Leonard was actually considering stopping by Spock’s temporary quarters just to check in on her when a harried looking science tech burst through the doors to med bay, with someone in his arms. It only took Leonard an instant to recognize the figure as Saavik.

“On the bed,” Leonard instructed the medic. His heart had suddenly jumped to his throat and he gave short instruction for M’Benga to be on standby in case it was something Leonard wasn’t prepared to cope with.

For all her Vulcan blood, she had tears streaming down her face as she cradled her arm against her chest. Leonard smoothed her hair from her forehead as he tried to calm her down enough to get a look at her arm.

“What happened?” he demanded of the tech. The man shrugged, looking with bewilderment from Saavik to Leonard.

“I don’t know,” he said. “She was working in the lab, said she had permission from Mr. Spock to be in there, I did ask. I wasn’t paying much attention, and then she made a noise and I looked over to see if everything was alright. She was working on a reactor of some sort, it might have shorted out.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” Leonard said through gritted teeth. “If you’d be so kind as to summon Mr. Spock down to med bay, I’d appreaciate it.” What had Leonard said? The _Enterprise_ was no place for unattended children. But would Spock listen? No, of course not. Because _Vulcan_ children didn’t get hurt. Cut them, they won’t bleed. If you could call that green goop in their veins blood to begin with.

Leonard gently pried Saavik’s hand away from her chest. Her eyes watered, but she didn’t a sound.

“All right, darlin’, let me get a look at that,” he soothed. “Were you working on that experiment you told me about?”

“It’s a propulsion unit,” she said, her tone barely wavering as Leonard ran a tricorder over her to assess the damage. Second degree burns over most of her left arm. Nothing that a dermal regenerator wouldn’t take care of, but it would be tender for a few days.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Leonard asked, less because he needed to know at this point, and more to distract her from the pain as he cleaned the wound and ran the regenerator over her arm.

“I attached the main circuitboard to the fusion chamber without accounting for the excess heat from the propulsion generator.”

“What does that mean?”

“The unit overheated and burned me,” she said. Leonard could have sworn that her cheeks greened slightly. Leave it to Vulcans to be more concerned about getting an experiment wrong than burning off half the skin on their arm.

“Well, I’m sure it’s a mistake anyone could have made,” Leonard said, finishing up the regeneration and wrapping the new skin in an antiseptic bandage.

“Perhaps,” Saavik said.

“That’ll have to stay on for two more days, and then I’ll check to see how it’s healing, all right?” he said, stroking her head. Saavik nodded, then stiffened, gaze going to the door.

Spock walked briskly into med bay, followed closely by Jim. Leonard noted with some grim satisfaction that the Vulcan looked a little pale.

“What happened?” Spock demanded as he examined Saavik. Leonard’s expression darkened, but he had the presence of mind to invite them into his office before he spoke. He left Saavik with nurse Palmer and followed the two men into his office.

“Doctor?” Spock prompted. Leonard shut the door before turning on him.

“She’s got second degree burns from wrist to elbow,” Leonard said. Spock nodded, as though this made sense in some way.

“She must have failed to vent the excess heat before connecting the fusion cylinder. I assume this is what caused the burn.”

“Of course, Vulcan logic, there was a reasonable explanation for her injury, what there _isn’t_ a reasonable explanation for is why she was experimenting with dangerous mechanisms in the first place! Unsupervised, I might add!”

“She is more capable than you seem to give her credit for—”

“Like hell she is, she’s a kid!”

“She is a child who designed that propulsion unit herself.”

“And look what happened!”

“Enough,” Jim cut in, his voice was not raised, but it held that ring of command that had Leonard reflexively straightening up. “Both of you are missing the point.”

Leonard opened his mouth to retort, but Jim raised a hand for silence.

“Kids get hurt, Bones, you know that. She’ll heal and have forgotten it by next week. Should she have been better supervised, yeah, but she wasn’t, so there you have it. Live and learn.”

“I looked over her designs before approving her research,” Spock said. “She was also under express instruction that she may only work in the lab while in the company of a more experienced scientist so that in the event of something like this happening, she could be properly taken care of. ”

“But it’s not their damn job to watch her, it’s yours!” Leonard said, furious that Spock would have the gall to contest the fact that he had screwed up.

“I do not deny that,” Spock said, jaw tense. “Merely that her initial design acknowledged necessary safety precautions to avoid any unnecessary risk. And, by having someone occupying the lab, there was little chance she would be grievously injured.”

“Grievously injured, my ass,” Leonard snapped. “Just because I can regenerate her skin doesn’t mean it wasn’t burned off in the first place!” Spock paled at that.

“I am not suggesting that her injury was acceptable, but she was aware of the necessary safety precautions and capable of avoiding injury,” Spock said, his voice closer to anger this time. Good, Leonard thought.

“What kind of madman decides that a kid should be playing around with propulsion units in the first place?”

“She’s not human child, Bones,” Jim snapped, then gave Spock a sharp look. “But she _is_ a child, Spock. Look, this is all uncharted territory here, and we’ll have to figure out what the hell we’re doing as we go, but you two are both forgetting what’s actually important here. So, I’m going to take my leave, you two are going to get your anger issues out here, and then you’ll join me to actually address the problem.”

Leonard stared after him, not really sure what to say after that. He glanced sideways at Spock who looked equally repentant. It wasn’t often that Jim gave them a dressing down, and it always did the trick of taking the wind from his argument.

“I do not take pleasure in her being injured,” Spock said softly. Leonard turned to him, but Spock was still staring at the door.

“I never thought you did,” Leonard admitted. Then, “I was a complete fuckup as a father, Spock. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did.”


	18. Chapter 18

Jim walked out of the office and nearly tripped over Saavik. The girl was standing stiffly in the middle of the hall. Jim couldn’t tell if she had overheard anything that had been said, but she was clearly upset anyway. Jim hardly knew how to handle Bones and Spock let alone the kid, but he couldn’t help but remember how he had felt every time he had screwed up and upset the adults in his life.

“They are angry, aren’t they?” she whispered, her expression was mild, but her hands were balled in fists at her side. Jim sighed and slid down the wall by the door, patting the floor next to him. Saavik looked at him like he had lost his mind, but after a moment, she took a seat beside him. Jim grinned at her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“They’re angry, yeah,” he said. Saavik’s lip quivered.

“I did not mean to cause so much trouble, or to cause damage your ship,” she said. Jim raised an eyebrow, he hadn’t heard of any damage yet. But it couldn’t possibly be worse than what Scotty and Keenzer got up to in engineering.

“Hey, look at me,” Jim said, waiting until Saavik glanced up at him. “They’re angry, but they aren’t upset with you. No one is.”

Saavik gave him a look that was almost condescending in its disbelief. Jim chuckled.

“Really, they aren’t. They’re just worried about you.”

“Doctor McCoy is worried about me, and you are relieved that I am uninjured,” she said, “but Commander Spock can not be worried. He is a Vulcan. And he does not like me.”

Jim was surprised at that assessment. No one on the bridge doubted that Spock was worried. Jim had never seen the man leave his post so quickly as he had when Lieutenant Harper had called with a worried voice and told them Saavik was in med bay.

“Spock’s human, too, though,” Jim pointed out. “And despite popular belief, Vulcans feel, too.”

“Perhaps,” she said. Jim acknowledged it as the evasion that it was. “But that does not impact his dislike of me. In fact, it furthers it. I am not even disadvantaged with human blood, but I have still failed to be a Vulcan.”

“Do you want to be Vulcan? Do you believe in the Vulcan tenets?”

“It is the only appropriate thing for me to be. I do not live among Romulans.”

Jim’s heart clenched at that, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. The embrace was awkward, but Jim thought he could feel her move just a little closer to him. He wondered how much of Spock’s inner turmoil Saavik could sense. He wanted to be supportive of his friend, but he also knew that Spock had to figure his own emotions out quickly because even Jim could tell that the girl was reaching her boiling point. Jim sighed, stretching his legs out across the hallway.

“You don’t have to be Vulcan, Saavik,” he said. “That’s what Starfleet is all about. It’s about the beauty of everything that the universe has to offer, not just trying to fit things into preexisting molds. And Spock wouldn’t make you be Vulcan, either. On the _Enterprise,_ you don’t have to be anything other than Saavik.”

“Really?” she whispered.

“I promise. You’re enough just the way you are, and everyone here sees it.”

They both jumped when the door to Bones’ office slid open. Bones didn’t notice Jim’s feet and actually tripped over him, causing Jim to yelp as he was kicked in the shins. Spock caught his arm, keeping him upright as he stumbled.

“What the hell are you doing down there?” Bones snapped, looking flustered as he straightened up.

“Language, Bones!” Jim said in mock offense, even as he rubbed his bruised shin.

“Saavik, how do you feel?” Spock asked.

“My physical health is satisfactory,” she said, edging away from Jim a little bit. Jim wondered if Spock had bothered to tell her that it was okay to work through her emotions, and feel them in the first place, actually. Ambassador Spock or Spock could have mentioned it, but somehow Jim didn’t think it had occurred to either of them.

“If you are well, then perhaps we should return to our quarters,” Spock said.

“But I—” Saavik broke off.

“Yes?” Spock prompted. Saavik glanced pleadingly at Jim, though he had no idea what she wanted.

“I was supposed to have my lessons tonight,” she said. Spock frowned.

“I had thought that perhaps, after your injury, you might be too tired for two more lessons, especially considering the time. I would not want to inconvenience the Doctor or Captain.”

“Maybe Bones and I could join you in your quarters and we could multitask with some school and dinner.”

Spock glanced at Bones, probably checking to make sure he wasn’t inconvenienced by the idea—little did Spock know that Bones was quite used to being inconvenienced by Jim’s whims—then said, “That would be acceptable.”

“Though how we’re going to teach a lesson on biology and literature simultaneously and while eating dinner, I’ve no idea,” Bones muttered, though he seemed pleased at the idea of spending some time with them. Or, with Saavik probably. Jim hadn’t failed to note that Bones had been avoiding him, though he wasn’t sure why. He’d said that he wasn’t surprised by Jim’s confession. Maybe he was just trying to give Jim more time with Spock? Or maybe he thought it was weird after all.

Well, either way, Jim wasn’t about to let go of Bones that easily. He’d get over whatever feelings he had about the situation eventually, and Jim was nothing if not persistent.

“Ye of little faith, Bones,” he said, standing and offering Saavik his hand. “When have my plans ever failed?” Jim was gratified when Saavik took his offered hand, though she sent Spock a glance as she did. Spock, for his part, pretended not to notice.

“You don’t want me to answer that,” Bones grumbled as they left med bay and headed toward Spock’s temporary quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you wondering where I've been, or what's been happening with the fic, you can find all of those kinds of updates on my tumblr: almostasgayasstartrek.tumblr.com/tagged/amid-a-crowd-of-stars
> 
> I am not abandoning the project! I love this story and will write it until it comes to its conclusion, don't worry. I really appreciate your patience.


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